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The trend of increasing tourism causes environmental problems in many parts of the world. What are the main causes of pollution it creates? What can be done to reduce it? v.3

The trend of increasing tourism causes environmental problems in many parts of the world. What are the main causes of pollution it creates? What can be done to reduce it? v. 3
Whilst nowadays the advent of sophisticated innovations in transportations has changed the tourism industry substantially, the adverse side-effect of this phenomenon on the environment is concerning. I will discuss the main origins of the contamination and few suggestions will be recommended in order to mitigate this controversial challenge. As critics point at several different players, who are responsible for damaging effects of the ever-growing tourism industry, there are two main sources for pollutions. Firstly, recently, the tourism industry tries to attract people by giving them a first-hand observation of the natural habitat of rare breeds. Although these journeys might be exciting, especially for adventurous tourists, the overuse of these trips have adverse impacts on the environment by interfering in the natural ecosystem, which might force the animals or plants to react and change behaviors to adapt to these uninvited guests into their local territories. Secondly, increasing international flights have contributed significantly to the emission of pollutions. While the advance airplanes make long-distance flights convenient, environmentalists mention figures, which demonstrate the extent these flights damaging the atmosphere. However, there are still some hopes to tackle this issue, if the whole world takes it seriously. First of all, authorities should impose a higher tax on adventure trips into the wildlife. The collected money could not only decrease the amount of interference by decreasing these trips, but also could be used on plans to help local governments to preserve endangered animals. Besides that, there should be a worldwide awareness program to inform individuals about the burden on environments by increasing trips into nature. People should be aware that there would be no nature to enjoy in the future unless they act responsibly regarding the environment. Taken together, there are two major channels on how the tourism industry affects the earth' s environment. However, if we implement conservation programs, for instance by increasing tax on damaging trips, or awareness programs, we could hope that the next generation could enjoy nature as we do.
Whilst nowadays the advent of sophisticated innovations in transportations has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
substantially
, the adverse
Did you mean "side effect" (=adverse effect, unintended consequence)? Open compounds are not hyphenated.
side-effect
of this phenomenon on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
The verb 'concerning' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is concerning
. I will discuss the main origins of the contamination and few suggestions will
be recommended
in order to mitigate this controversial challenge.

As critics point at several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
players, who are responsible for damaging effects of the ever-growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
, there are two main sources for pollutions.
Firstly
, recently, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
tries to attract
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by giving them a
first
-hand observation of the natural habitat of rare breeds. Although these journeys might be exciting,
especially
for adventurous tourists, the overuse of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
have adverse impacts on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
by interfering in the natural ecosystem, which might force the animals or plants to react and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
behaviors to adapt to these uninvited guests into their local territories.
Secondly
, increasing international flights have contributed
significantly
to the emission of pollutions. While the advance airplanes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
long-distance flights convenient, environmentalists mention figures, which demonstrate the extent these flights damaging the atmosphere.

However
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hopes to tackle this issue, if the whole world takes it
seriously
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, authorities should impose a higher tax on adventure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
into the wildlife. The collected money could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
decrease the amount of interference by decreasing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
on plans to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to preserve endangered animals.
Besides
that, there should be a worldwide awareness program to inform individuals about the burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environments
by increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
into nature.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
should be aware that there would be no nature to enjoy in the future unless they act
responsibly
regarding the environment.

Taken together, there are two major channels on how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
affects the
Possible spelling mistake found.
earth&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
However
, if we implement conservation programs,
for instance
by increasing tax on damaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
, or awareness programs, we could hope that the
next
generation could enjoy nature as we do.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay The trend of increasing tourism causes environmental problems in many parts of the world. What are the main causes of pollution it creates? What can be done to reduce it? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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