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Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both sides and state your opinion. v.18

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. v. 18
People’s opinions differ regarding ratio of money earned and free time. One group states that having more finance and short leisure time preferable as to have more free time and less money, while others adhere to radically other view. From my point of view, having more money and being short of time preferable for various reasons. Proponents who favoring leisure time over money base their point on couple of reasons. Firstly people who have more spare time can engage themselves in various activities that develop them as individuals. For example learning foreign language or honing other skills can be achieved at that time, and these might be fundamental in their later life. Secondly, having more time means that one can allocate time for his own amusement. Indeed, spending more time with family playing with children are more vital for many of us and therefor prioritized. Moreover, we are social animals and interacting with friends and family brings us sense of belonging, which in turns boost us spiritually. in short, having more time lead us to more profound family bond and can cheer us mentally. However, I tend to agree with other group of people who prioritize money possession. To begine with, we live in money-based world, as all our progress and development depends gradually on sum we earn. In spite of scarcity of time, with more money we can provide prosperous future for our children, which is one of human beings prime missions. For instance, for the time being quality educational establishments annual fee is high, and we have to be affluent enough to send our children to gain knowledge there. To continue with, earning more money and having less leisure pastime we secure our well-being in the future. Today in many countries pensions are remarkably low, and elderly people struggling to make ends meet. So we can put aside some fortune before retiring, which would provide us with means to pay our bills and why not travel. To conclude, there are two group of people who favoring different things one in favor of more recreational time, while, others consider money earning more important. For me, although, having more free time is good, but we live in the world where money can solve many problems and we have to concentrate on budget.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People’s
opinions differ regarding ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
earned and free time.

One group states that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more finance and short leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
preferable as to have more free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, while others adhere to
radically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
view. From my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and being short of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
preferable for various reasons.

Proponents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
favoring leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
base their point on couple of reasons.
Firstly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have more spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can engage themselves in various activities that develop them as individuals.
For example
learning foreign language or honing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can
be achieved
at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and these might be fundamental in their later life.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
means that one can allocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
amusement.
Indeed
, spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family playing with children are more vital for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us and therefor prioritized.
Moreover
, we are social animals and interacting with friends and family brings us sense of belonging, which in turns boost us
spiritually
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
short,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
lead us to more profound family bond and can cheer us mentally.

However
, I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
prioritize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
possession. To
Possible spelling mistake found.
begine
with, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in money-based world, as all our progress and development depends
gradually
on sum we earn.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
scarcity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
we can provide prosperous future for our children, which is one of human beings prime missions.
For instance
, for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
being quality educational establishments annual fee is high, and we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be affluent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
our children to gain knowledge there. To continue with, earning more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
less leisure pastime we secure our well-being in the future.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries pensions are
remarkably
low, and elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we can put aside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fortune
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
retiring, which would provide us with means to pay our bills and why not travel.

To conclude
, there are two
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "groups"?
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
favoring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things one in favor of more recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, while, others consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
earning more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. For me, although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the world where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
problems and
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
concentrate on budget.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. v. 18

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
382 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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