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Governments should make more effort to promote alternative sources of energy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

Governments should make more effort to promote alternative sources of energy. with this opinion? v. 1
Many authorities all over the world already pay attention on developing new resources of energy to replace the old ones; However, it seems not enough hence there are some ideas that they should try harder to encourage producers. In my point of view, i totally support this viewpoint because of some reasons i will mention underneath. our planet is running out of fossil fuels such as coal, gas and diesel in near future, therefore it is incredibly important to find out some altenative sources of energy. as we know nowadays the major percentage of energies which we are using come from minerals, it is really unsustainable growth for any nations or organizations because it will empty soon as predictions of some experts. Generally speaking, a host of political leaders are keeping an eye on this problem and investing for many studys to exploit new energies including sun, tidal and solar. However, not only expensive technology but also unconvenient conditions are two factors which hinder government to access and manipulate new energies in massive scale. As far as we are concerned, the Earth is polluted in many aspects such as air, water, soil. This is because human activities which burn coal, petrol, wood and gas for energy, so these elements end up spreading a massive gas emission which causes green house effect in global scale. Hence, we should take actions to cut down on demands for it. Take deforestation as an example, many regions in the world are detroying forests for fuel, as a result some natural disasters occur frequently such as flash floods or droughts because of lost cover by forests. Having said that, the more effective new energies, the more sustainable lives we can obtain. In conclusion, there are several serious concerns about energy in our era, thus, government should pay more attention on alternative resource of energy to solve those problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
authorities all over the world already pay attention on developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
resources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
to replace the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ones;
However
, it seems not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
hence
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
that they should try harder to encourage producers. In my point of view,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
totally
support this viewpoint
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons
Did you mean "I"?
i
will mention underneath.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
our
planet is running out of fossil fuels such as coal, gas and diesel in near future,
therefore
it is
incredibly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to find out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
altenative
sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
we know nowadays the major percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energies
which we are using
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from minerals, it is
really
unsustainable growth for any nations or organizations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will empty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as predictions of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experts.
Generally
speaking, a host of political leaders are keeping an eye on this problem and investing for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "studies", the plural form of the noun 'study'?
studys
to exploit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energies
including sun, tidal and solar.
However
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
expensive technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
unconvenient
conditions are two factors which hinder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to access and manipulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energies
in massive scale.

As far as we
are concerned
, the Earth
is polluted
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects such as air, water, soil. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
human activities which burn coal, petrol, wood and gas for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
these elements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up spreading a massive gas emission which causes green
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
effect in global scale.
Hence
, we should take actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down on demands for it. Take deforestation as an example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
regions in the world are
Possible spelling mistake found.
detroying
forests for fuel,
as a result
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
natural disasters occur
frequently
such as flash floods or droughts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lost cover by forests. Having said that, the more effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energies
, the more sustainable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
we can obtain.

In conclusion
, there are several serious concerns about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
in our era,
thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should pay more attention on alternative resource of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
to solve those problems.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Governments should make more effort to promote alternative sources of energy. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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