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Having a good university degree guarantee people a good job. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Having a good university degree guarantee people a good job. v. 1
It is increasingly common for people to work at home, rather than going to the workplace. While it is thought by some people that this will bring stress to the home, I would agree with those who argue that working from home is beneficial to both the workers and their families. On the one hand, those who believe working from home is stressful might argue that it can negatively impact the relationship with family members. This is because a family member often have expectations to do some minor household works from the one staying at home, and if one fails to do so, it might be the cause of trouble between them. For example, a wife might ask husband to do dishes as he is working from home, and if he is unable to do so due to his work commitments, it is likely to bring clash between husband and wife. As a result of this, working from home tends to bring stress. On the other hand, my view is that working from home can bring joy and happiness to both the worker and their family members. The reason for this is that the worker can work as well as spend some time with their loved ones, which can be beneficial to strengthen the bond with families. For instance, a worker can enjoy breaks with his child, which will help to know and understand each other more. As a result, the child would be happy to realize how close his father is with him, and the father might feel satisfied to maintain work-family balance. In conclusion, despite the stress of meeting family expectations that working from home might bring, my firm belief is that it is a vital step to strengthen the relationship with family members by balancing work and family.
It is
increasingly
common for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home,
rather
than going to the workplace. While it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
to the home, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home is beneficial to both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
and their families.

On the one hand, those who believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home is stressful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
argue that it can
negatively
impact the relationship with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have expectations to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor household works from the one staying at home, and if one fails to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be the cause of trouble between them.
For example
, a wife
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
ask husband to do dishes as he is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home, and if he is unable to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
due to his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
commitments, it is likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
clash between husband and wife.
As a result
of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home tends to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

On the other hand
, my view is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
joy and happiness to both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
The reason for this is
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as well
as spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones, which can be beneficial to strengthen the bond with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
can enjoy breaks with his child, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to know and understand each other more.
As a result
, the child would be happy to realize how close his father is with him, and the father
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
feel satisfied to maintain work-family balance.

In conclusion
, despite the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
expectations that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
, my firm belief is that it is a vital step to strengthen the relationship with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
by balancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Having a good university degree guarantee people a good job. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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