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Discussion the reason why people define happiness differently and how to obtain happiness. v.1

Discussion the reason why people define happiness differently and how to obtain happiness. v. 1
Presently there have been innumerable attempts to give definition and measure satisfaction in various contexts and pertaining to a wide range of disciplines. Consequently, I believe this divergent comes from each person's characteristics, and religious beliefs. In this essay, I would like to analyse why happiness means diverse to each individual. In terms of obtaining exhilaration, we should consider that access ways to pleasure differ from individual to another have their own objectives and interests. Then people should clarify their priorities based on their aims. In particular, for adolescence, fulfilment may mean following the fashionable clothes and hairstyles. Nevertheless, for senior people who perceive life from different angles that having an admirable career and cosy family may bring true contentment. Moreover, regarding the one’s instinct, perception of satisfaction is going to be different. For those of people who tend to have a prosperity pursuing the monetary wealth and getting profit is a priority goal that they even sacrifice everything to accomplish their dreams. Another worth mentioning that contentment is strenuous to interpret since it means something dissimilar to each individual and we all have our own particular passions from which we take pleasure. Considering the monetary wealth as an example, people often evaluate the value of money differently. In fact, some people, for example, derive a sense of satisfaction from reach affluence, whereas the others take it more lightly. Anyway, This goes same for other people with different objectives. Notwithstanding, individuals should be realistic and avoid being too ambitious about their goal. In conclusion, considering the fact that individual’s temperament varies from person to person, therefore, the meaning of being satisfied relies on personality. People should scrutinize themselves to set their target based on their abilities. Nonetheless, being too greedy may lead to disappointed, preventing individuals to attain a wholesome life.
Presently
there have been innumerable attempts to give definition and measure satisfaction in various contexts and pertaining to a wide range of disciplines.
Consequently
, I believe this divergent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from each person's characteristics, and religious beliefs. In this essay, I would like to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
why happiness means diverse to each individual.

In terms of obtaining exhilaration, we should consider that access ways to pleasure differ from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to another have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
objectives and interests. Then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should clarify their priorities based on their aims.
In particular
, for adolescence,
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
may mean following the fashionable clothes and hairstyles.
Nevertheless
, for senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who perceive life from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
angles that having an admirable career and
Possible spelling mistake. 'cosy' is British English.
cosy
family may bring true contentment.

Moreover
, regarding the one’s instinct, perception of satisfaction is going to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. For those of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who tend to have a prosperity pursuing the monetary wealth and getting profit is a priority goal that they even sacrifice everything to accomplish their dreams. Another worth mentioning that contentment is strenuous to interpret since it means something dissimilar to each
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
individual and
we all have our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
particular passions from which we take pleasure. Considering the monetary wealth as an example,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
evaluate the value of money
differently
. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
for example
, derive a sense of satisfaction from reach affluence, whereas the others take it more
lightly
. Anyway, This goes same for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
objectives. Notwithstanding,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should be realistic and avoid being too ambitious about their goal.

In conclusion
, considering the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual’s
temperament varies from person to person,
therefore
, the meaning of
being satisfied
relies on personality.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should scrutinize themselves to set their target based on their abilities. Nonetheless, being too greedy may lead to disappointed, preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to attain a wholesome life.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Discussion the reason why people define happiness differently and how to obtain happiness. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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