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Groups or organizations are an important part of some people’s lives. Why are groups or organizations important to people? v.5

Groups or organizations are an important part of some people’s lives. Why are groups or organizations important to people? v. 5
First of all, people need to communicate with each other. We need to share out ideas and thoughts with each other. I think it is very important to know that someone thinks the same way one does and supports one. In addition, communication is one of the features of reasonable animals. All animals that can communicate with each other live in herds and support each other when one of them is in need. The second reason, why I think groups and organisation are important to people is because they make us stronger. For example, football team plays better than one player. Another example is the ancient hunters. At old times people gathered in order to get food and survive in severe conditions. It was impossible for one man to kill a big animal, but when people gathered in groups their chances increased. Scientists say that people survived because they lived together and supported each other. For the reasons, which I mentioned above, I believe groups and organisations play an essential role in our life. Moreover, people's evolution would not be possible without them.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to communicate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. We need to share out
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and thoughts with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to know that someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
the same way one does and supports one.
In addition
, communication is one of the features of reasonable animals. All animals that can communicate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in herds and support each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
when one of them is in need.

The second reason, why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
groups and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us stronger.
For example
, football team plays better than one player. Another example is the ancient hunters. At
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gathered in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
food and survive in severe conditions. It was impossible for one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
to kill a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
animal,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gathered in groups their chances increased. Scientists say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
survived
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
together and supported each other.

For the reasons, which I mentioned above, I believe groups and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
play an essential role in our life.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's evolution would not be possible without them.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Groups or organizations are an important part of some people’s lives. Why are groups or organizations important to people? v. 5

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
183 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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