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Governments spend millions of dollars each year on their space programmes Most recently Mars is the focus of scientists attention Some people think this money would be better spent on dealing with problems closer to home Do you agree or disagree v.1

Governments spend millions of dollars each year on their space programmes Most recently Mars is the focus of scientists attention Some people think this money would be better spent on dealing with problems closer to home v. 1
Over the last century there have been major developments in medicine, the number of people with knowledge about health and infirmity has increased and health facilities have been greatly improved. Advances in science mean major developments in health, such as innovative treatments for AIDS, new treatments for cancer, breakthroughs in vaccination and others. This could mean that there would be health improvements and that diseases rate worldwide would decrease. Even though there have been massive health developments, the amount of misinformation available to people has also increased, especially since anyone can post articles on the internet and everyone as access to them, and this affects the way people look at their well-being. For example, there are more and more people that are against vaccination and they base their decision on some doubtful articles stating that vaccines bring us more harm than good and that it is all a scheme to give money to the pharmaceuticals. The decrease in vaccination has led to recent outbreaks of diseases that were thought to be eradicated, such as measles. For example, there was a recent outbreak of measles in Portugal due to the increase of the anti-vaccination movement. Besides this, people aren’t eating healthy nowadays and there are more and more people with a sedentary lifestyle, which means that besides having a poor eating habit they don’t exercise often or at all. In addition, people work harder and harder and many of them do not feel fulfilled with their jobs, which can lead to burnout and/or depression. To conclude, I can say that I agree with the given statement because there are diseases coming back due to anti-vaccination movement, heart diseases, diabetes type 2 and other diseases are increasing because of our sedentary lifestyle, and stress related to work is increasing mental health problems. But we can fight this with reliable information available to everyone, healthy eating habits and exercise, and by decreasing our labour hours or working in the area we really like.
Over the last century there have been major developments in medicine, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and infirmity has increased and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
facilities have been
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.

Advances in science mean major developments in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, such as innovative treatments for AIDS, new treatments for cancer, breakthroughs in vaccination
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
. This could mean that there would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
improvements and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
rate worldwide would decrease.

Even though
there have been massive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
developments, the amount of misinformation available to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
also
increased,
especially
since anyone can post articles on the internet and everyone as access to them, and this affects the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
look at their well-being.
For example
, there are more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that are against
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
vaccination and
they base their decision on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
doubtful articles stating that vaccines bring us more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and that it is all a scheme to give money to the pharmaceuticals. The decrease in vaccination has led to recent outbreaks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
that were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to
be eradicated
, such as measles.
For example
, there was a recent outbreak of measles in Portugal due to the increase of the anti-vaccination movement.

Besides
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aren’t eating healthy nowadays and there are more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a sedentary lifestyle, which means that
besides
having a poor eating habit they don’t exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
or at all.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work harder and harder and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them do not feel fulfilled with their jobs, which can lead to burnout and/or depression.

To conclude
, I can say that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
coming back due to anti-vaccination movement, heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
, diabetes type 2 and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are increasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of our sedentary lifestyle, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
related to work is increasing mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we can fight this with reliable information available to everyone, healthy eating habits and exercise, and by decreasing our
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
hours or working in the area we
really
like.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments spend millions of dollars each year on their space programmes Most recently Mars is the focus of scientists attention Some people think this money would be better spent on dealing with problems closer to home v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
330 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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