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Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extend to you agree or disagree with this statement? v.7

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. v. 7
It is true that nowadays people travel more and more either by cars, or mass means of transport. From this regard, infrastructure development is needed. Some people claim that governments should invest in railways development, while to my mind, more money should be spent on roads. To begin with, the number of people choosing cars definitely outperforms those, who travel by train. Each day roads are exploited tremendously, as a consequence, plenty of them are destroyed and require renovation. What is more, trains connect mainly big cities, so residents of villages around have to reach the nearest station by car. However, usually, roads on countrysides are in extremely poor condition. For example, my grandparents live far away from a big city and each time they want to do shopping or have an appointment, they have to go by car to the town. Unfortunately, only sand paths are available in their village so it took them a long time to reach the destination. From a shallow perspective, it can be said that it is better to develop railways and encourage people to use public transport because it is more ecological and safer. Of course, car transport is enormously more polluting and less accidents are caused by trains. But it cannot be forgotten, that emergency services use roads to help people and in disturbingly many cases, someones' life is jeopardized when ambulance go too late because of traffic jams or miserable road conditions. To conclude, while car transport is the most popular and convenient mean of transport these days, governments should care about its infrastructure modernization. It is not only to enhance citizen's daily life, but also to eliminate emergency services' delays caused by defective roads.
It is true that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel more and more either by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, or mass means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
. From this regard, infrastructure development
is needed
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should invest in railways development, while to my mind, more money should
be spent
on roads.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
definitely outperforms those, who travel by train. Each day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
are exploited
tremendously
, as a consequence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of them are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
and require renovation.
What is more
, trains connect
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
residents of villages around
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
reach the nearest station by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
.
However
,
usually
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
on countrysides are in
extremely
poor condition.
For example
, my grandparents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far away from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city and each time they want to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go shopping".
do shopping
or have an appointment, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
to the town. Unfortunately,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
sand paths are available in their village
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it took them a long time to reach the destination.

From a shallow perspective, it can
be said
that it is better to develop railways and encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is more ecological and safer.
Of course
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
is
enormously
more polluting and
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun accidents is countable.
less
accidents
are caused
by trains.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it cannot
be forgotten
, that emergency services
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and in
disturbingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, someones' life
is jeopardized
when ambulance go too late
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of traffic jams or miserable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
conditions.

To conclude
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
is the most popular and convenient mean of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
these days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should care about its infrastructure modernization. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to enhance citizen's daily life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to eliminate emergency services' delays caused by defective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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