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Government should not have to provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion. v.1

Government should not have to provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. with this opinion. v. 1
In the ever-developing world as today, people would show more excitement in a variety of topics, especially supporting senior citizens. Many people admit that is the duty of individual to get ready for their retirement without support from government. From my own perspective, I totally disagree with that viewpoint. In this following essay, we will take this fascinating discussion into consideration. In many countries, the number of older peolpe is increasing that makes it difficult to achieve and maintain good health whether they should not receive any support from the state. Initially, some people spent most of their life to make a living but they just live on daily wages without saving money, therefore, they cannot afford to pay for their future plan. For example, the poor who were homeless and loss of working capacity, they cannot cover their own living expenses. For this reason, it become vital for public authority to take care of elderly people. Furthermore, people need to have their relatives who will look after when they get older. Children are willing to beside their parents whenever they feel unwell and the sudden pain. But others are not like that, so they feel neglected as well they can be abused in society leading to social evils. As a result, there are left with no choice except taking the help from the government. In conclusion, I believe it is the responsibility of authority to support senior citizens as they have devoted their whole life and played an essential role in modern society.
In the ever-developing world as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
more excitement in a variety of topics,
especially
supporting senior citizens.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
admit
that is
the duty of individual to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ready for their retirement without support from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. From my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, I
totally
disagree with that viewpoint. In this following essay, we will take this fascinating discussion into consideration.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, the number of older
Possible spelling mistake found.
peolpe
is increasing that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it difficult to achieve and maintain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health whether they should not receive any support from the state.
Initially
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spent most of their life to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on daily wages without saving money,
therefore
, they cannot afford to pay for their future plan.
For example
, the poor who were homeless and loss of working capacity, they cannot cover their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
living expenses.
For this reason
, it
Did you mean "becomes"?
become
vital for public authority to take care of elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to have their relatives who will look after when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older. Children are willing to beside their parents whenever they feel unwell and the sudden pain.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
others are not like that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they feel neglected
as well
they can
be abused
in society leading to social evils.
As a result
, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with no choice except taking the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

In conclusion
, I believe it is the responsibility of authority to support senior citizens as they have devoted their whole life and played an essential role in modern society.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Government should not have to provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. with this opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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