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Some people think spending on arts is a waste of money rather than a budget should be diverted to other public services. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think spending on arts is a waste of money rather than a budget should be diverted to other public services. v. 1
Arts play an indispensable role in depicting the culture and tradition of the country. Expenditure on artistic activities is considered as an act of squandering by a group of individuals. I agree with the notion and believe that funds should be diverted to the other factors such as health care, transport, education but not on the cost of arts. There are ample reasons why the government should diversify the budget towards the other developments. First and foremost reason is inefficient public services. To explain it further, developing cities need efficient transport system, modern education, and world-class health care to improve the quality of life. A financial crisis is the second reason on which the government should ponder upon. Non-availability of funds has forced many organizations to give pink slips to their employees. For instance, A recent example of Jet airways which closed down its operations due to bankruptcy. Hence, diversifying funds on other factors can aid in improving the standard of living as well as reviving the economy. Nevertheless, financing arts too is essential. Different forms of art can attract tourists from across the world which in turn can assist in boosting the economy. Travelers who admire the beauty of arts flock to take a glimpse; consequently, helping in generating revenue for the economy. Another predominant reason for allocating funds for arts is it generates employment. Different art-based activities such as singing, dancing, music, theatre employ huge number of people to make it successful. Therefore to promote tourism and to create jobs opportunities it is necessary that some funds be allocated in favor of arts. To recapitulate, although diversification of funds towards the other factors is imperative, arts should also be given some importance for the benefit of the society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
play an indispensable role in depicting the culture and tradition of the country. Expenditure on artistic activities
is considered
as an act of squandering by a group of individuals. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion and believe that funds should
be diverted
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors such as health care, transport, education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not on the cost of arts.

There are ample
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should diversify the budget towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
developments.
First
and foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is inefficient public services. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it
further
, developing cities need efficient transport system, modern education, and world-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
health care to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of life. A financial crisis is the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
on which the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ponder upon. Non-availability of funds has forced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
organizations to give pink slips to their employees.
For instance
, A recent example of Jet airways which closed down its operations due to bankruptcy.
Hence
, diversifying funds on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors can aid in improving the standard of living
as well
as reviving the economy.

Nevertheless
, financing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
too is essential.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
can attract tourists from across the world which in turn can assist in boosting the economy. Travelers who admire the beauty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
flock to take a glimpse;
consequently
, helping in generating revenue for the economy. Another predominant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for allocating funds for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is it generates employment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
art-based activities such as singing, dancing, music,
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
employ huge number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it successful.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
to promote tourism and to create jobs opportunities it is necessary that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
funds
be allocated
in favor of arts.

To recapitulate, although diversification of funds towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors is imperative,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
importance for the benefit of the society.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think spending on arts is a waste of money rather than a budget should be diverted to other public services. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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