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Governments around the world are spending billions in support of space programs. This money would be better spent on research into improvements in human health. v.3

Governments around the world are spending billions in support of space programs. This money would be better spent on research into improvements in human health. v. 3
There is an opinion that countries are spending a lot of their assets on space projects while they should have rather financed in the medical science sufficiently. Spaceships are flying all over the Universe at the time people are dying from AIDS or even flu. Is there any point of throwing money into the outer space? On the one hand, humans have not fought so many dangerous and highly contagious diseases so far though many dangerous diseases have wiped away the population of an entire city at a time. Moreover, industrialisation and economic progress have brought new diseases as a result of receiving more comfortable life. They are diabetes, cardiovascular problems, etc. In addition, launching just one space shuttle into the sky requires so many natural resources and brings so many pollutions that it negatively influences ecology a lot. That brings us new health issues, that need additional funding, which could be withdrawn from excessive payments for space research. On the other hand, scientists already have started raising funds from commercial pharmaceutical companies. A lot of diseases have been fought in just last 100 years according to many and there is an increase in mankind's life expectancy. Moreover, improved health and elongated life of population lead to a new problem – overpopulation. Space research can help to find a new home for the Earth's inhabitants. The last, but not the least, who knows, there is a chance we could found other planets where a panacea for all diseases is waiting for us or a more advanced civilisation is waiting for us with unimaginable knowledge. As for me, I am not a very healthy person and my parents either. However, if there is a one, very small chance, that something exciting will happen and astronauts will meet alien civilisation on other planets, I would not be happy that government is spending money for medicine only. We have an overcrowded planet and we should search for ways of expanding our habitat.
There is an opinion that countries are spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
their assets on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
projects while they should have
rather
financed in the medical science
sufficiently
. Spaceships are flying all over the Universe at the time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are dying from AIDS or even flu. Is there any point of throwing money into the outer space?

On the one hand, humans have not fought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and
highly
contagious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
have wiped away the population of an entire city at a time.
Moreover
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialisation' is British English.
industrialisation
and economic progress have brought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
as a result
of receiving more comfortable life. They are diabetes, cardiovascular problems, etc.
In addition
, launching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
shuttle into the sky requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
natural resources and brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pollutions that it
negatively
influences ecology a lot. That brings us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
health issues, that need additional funding, which could be withdrawn from excessive payments for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
research.

On the other hand
, scientists already have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
raising funds from commercial pharmaceutical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
have
been fought
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
last 100 years according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
and there is an increase in mankind's life expectancy.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
health and elongated life of population lead to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
problem
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
overpopulation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Space
research can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
home for the Earth's inhabitants. The last,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, who knows, there is a chance we could
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
found
other planets where a panacea for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
is waiting for us or a more advanced
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisation' is British English.
civilisation
is waiting for us with unimaginable knowledge.

As for me, I am not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
healthy person and my parents either.
However
, if there is a one,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
chance, that something exciting will happen and astronauts will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
alien
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisation' is British English.
civilisation
on other planets, I would not be happy that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is spending money for medicine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. We have an overcrowded
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
planet and
we should search for ways of expanding our habitat.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments around the world are spending billions in support of space programs. This money would be better spent on research into improvements in human health. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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