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Some people say that we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in cinema. Discuss both these views and give your opinion? v.1

Some people say that we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in cinema. v. 1
It is a debate going on that certain people think that watching movies at home is enjoyable, while others think that one can only be entertained with movies if watched in cinemas. According to me, there is a practical reason that affirms that enjoying movies at home is better than watching in cinemas. The ensuing lines will put forth subsequent efforts to illustrate both these sides along with my opinion regarding this topic. First of all, due to the technological advancements lots of digital gadgets are out in market, so one can easily watch movies using latest technology gadgets such as cell phones and tablets, by turning into mini cinema gadgets at home. Moreover, setting up this type of environment will ensure privacy and there is no specific time frame for it. Anyone can watch new movies or favorite movies in their free time. Furthermore, some cinemas restrict the snacks or only limited snacks are allowed but at home anyone can eat snacks without any restriction. On the other hand, in the current era, some people still consider that home setup can not replace cinemas. It is generally seen that some social people prefer cinemas as they tend to enjoy fully using that whole environment setup like sound echo’s and sudden voice twists that are reflected well in cinemas often. For instance, a recent article published in New York Times depicted that 40% of people agree with the above notion. According to my point of view, regardless of time constraints it is more easy and convenient to watch movies at home. To put my pen down, I would like to say that the aforementioned statements provide possible arguments in favor of enjoying movies at home.
It is a debate going on that certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
at home is enjoyable, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be entertained
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, there is a practical reason that affirms that enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
at home is better than watching in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
. The ensuing lines will put forth subsequent efforts to illustrate both these sides along with my opinion regarding this topic.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, due to the technological advancements lots of digital gadgets are out in market,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
one can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
using
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technology gadgets such as cell phones and tablets, by turning into mini
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
gadgets at home.
Moreover
, setting up this type of environment will ensure privacy and there is no specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
frame for it. Anyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
or favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
restrict the snacks or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limited snacks are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at home anyone can eat snacks without any restriction.

On the other hand
, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
consider that home setup can not replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
. It is
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
as they tend to enjoy
fully
using that whole environment setup like sound echo’s and sudden voice twists that
are reflected
well in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
.
For instance
, a recent article published in New York
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
depicted that 40% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above notion.

According to my point of view, regardless of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
constraints it is more easy and convenient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
at home. To put my pen down, I would like to say that the aforementioned statements provide possible arguments in favor of enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
at home.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people say that we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in cinema. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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