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Tpo 10 Do you agree with statement that playing computer games is a waste of time Children should not be allowed to play them v.2

Tpo 10 that playing computer games is a waste of time Children should not be allowed to play them v. 2
Games are part of our entertainment, but sometimes could be part of learning. It is thought by some people that children waste a lot of time by playing vidio games. They believe that parents should controll them and limit their play time. However, I believe that playing vidio games is very helpful for children. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following paragraphs. To begin with, contrary to the belief that children should not be allowed to play video games because they would wast a lot of time, evidence shows that young adults who played computer games did not wasted their time but they used the free time effectively. For instance, statistics have shown that 78 percent of children who used their free time playing computer games, they have improved their motor movement skills, compare that to the counterparts who did not play computer games. According to this, it is clear that children who play use their time wisely by improving their health overall. On top of that, with the development of new technology, new generations have too many opportunities to develop new skills in an entertainment form. They could learn how to become vigilant and increase their abilities to solve difficult problems, so that they could win the game and enjoy their thrill of the victory. My own experience is a compelling example of this. About ten years ago, my brother bought a computer where he could play his favorite games. That device was a new thing for us all in the family. After my brother started to play with that we all became curious about the game and started to look at how he was playing, what he had to do to become a winner. I saw that it was not easy at all because in order to win you have to had special skills such as, good reflection and intuition. Those games sparked an interest in me, I wanted to learn those skills. After I tried for a couple of weeks, I was able to win and that made me happy. Consequently, I was able to develop skills that I did not possess it before. I was able to make quick decisions in order to solve the problems, so I could win. Overall, computer games would help children to critically think to solve a variety of issues. Therefore, it is better to play computer games.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
are part of our entertainment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
could be part of learning. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
Possible spelling mistake found.
vidio
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. They believe that parents should
Possible spelling mistake found.
controll
them and limit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
Possible spelling mistake found.
vidio
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, contrary to the belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would wast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, evidence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that young adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
played computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
did not
The verb 'did' requires the base form of the verb: "waste"
wasted
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
effectively
.
For instance
, statistics have shown that 78 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
their motor movement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, compare that to the counterparts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
did not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. According to this, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
wisely
by improving their health
overall
.

On top of that
, with the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
generations have too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in an entertainment form. They could learn how to become vigilant and increase their abilities to solve difficult problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
the game and enjoy their thrill of the victory. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience is a compelling example of this. About ten years ago, my brother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a computer where he could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
his favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. That device was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
thing for us all in the family. After my brother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with that we all became curious about the game and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to look at how he was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
, what he had to do to become a winner. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
that it was not easy at all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
had special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reflection and intuition. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
sparked an interest in me, I wanted to learn those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. After I tried for a couple of weeks, I was able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
and that made me happy.
Consequently
, I was able to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that I did not possess it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. I was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
quick decisions in order to solve the problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
.
Overall
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
critically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to solve a variety of issues.
Therefore
, it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Tpo 10 that playing computer games is a waste of time Children should not be allowed to play them v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
404 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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