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Government should introduce healthcare which prevents illness rather than cures it. How far go you agree with statement. v.1

Government should introduce healthcare which prevents illness rather than cures it. How far go you agree with statement. v. 1
The topic of protecting wildlife has been a controversial topic for some time. Some people are of the opinion that unnecessary attention and resources are invested to protect the wildlife, however, I strongly disagree with this opinion. In this essay, I will state the reasons for my views. Firstly, in recent years, there are increasing numbers of wildlife listed as endangered or extinct. Research has shown that in the last decade, there has been a significant decrease in the percentage of land animals found in Africa due to deforestation. If protecting the wildlife have been widely publicized, people will gain a better understanding of the impact of deforestation on the animals. As a result, alternative measures could have been implemented to conserve the animals' natural habitats. Secondly, many people do not seem to have any awareness or understand the need to protect wildlife. Based on a survey conducted recently, 95% of the participants indicated that they are not aware that measures can be taken to protect the animals. Consequently, no efforts are made in protecting the animals. Lastly, some people have been murdering the animals as a form of sport. An example of this is, in a remote island in the Pacifics, there are people who hold the belief that by killing wild dolphins is a proof of masculinity. If there have been sufficient resources and efforts made by the government, perhaps animals will not be slaughtered unnecessarily for leisure. To conclude, it is my firm belief that there have been insufficient attention and resources are given to protect wildlife. I strongly believe that it is imperative for the government as well as the animal welfare services to create more public awareness on the impact of human activities on animals so as to protect the wildlife.
The topic of protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
has been a controversial topic for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that unnecessary attention and resources
are invested
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
,
however
, I
strongly
disagree with this opinion. In this essay, I will state the reasons for my views.

Firstly
, in recent years, there are increasing numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
listed as endangered or extinct. Research has shown that in the last decade, there has been a significant decrease in the percentage of land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
found in Africa due to deforestation. If protecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
have been
widely
publicized,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will gain a better understanding of the impact of deforestation on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
As a result
, alternative measures could have
been implemented
to conserve the animals' natural habitats.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not seem to have any awareness or understand the need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
. Based on a survey conducted recently, 95% of the participants indicated that they are not aware that measures can
be taken
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Consequently
, no efforts
are made
in protecting the animals.

Lastly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been murdering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
as a form of sport. An example of this is,
The usual preposition for "island" is "on" not "in". Revise: "on a remote island".
in a remote island
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pacifics
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who hold the belief that by killing wild dolphins is a proof of masculinity. If there have been sufficient resources and efforts made by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, perhaps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
will not
be slaughtered
unnecessarily
for leisure.

To conclude
, it is my firm belief that there have been insufficient attention and resources are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
. I
strongly
believe that it is imperative for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
as well
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
welfare services to create more public awareness on the impact of human activities on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Government should introduce healthcare which prevents illness rather than cures it. How far go you agree with statement. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
296 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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