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Government should focus their spending on public service rather than on arts such as music and painting v.1

Government should focus their spending on public service rather than on arts such as music and painting v. 1
Food travels miles to be given to the takers from the makers. But many people believe it will be for the betterment of the nature and to help improve the financial status of a region if people ate local products. In my essay, I will explain the pros and cons of the same. Firstly, I will explain the advantages of eating local food. It is evident that most people prefer eating food which is locally produced. It is called the staple food. The main advantage would be its cost. The farmers producing it will be able to sell it directly to the end customers than to the brokers in between. Eventually, it will be beneficial to both the producer and consumer, as the broker money will not come into the picture. For example: In the coastal areas people eat more of rice and fish because it is readily available and the items are fresh. Moreover, since the eateries are locally supplied it will not involve much transportation charges and that will also help to keep the pollution under level. Secondly, I believe any concept or theory comes with its disadvantages. There are many places in this world where the soil is not fertile enough for cultivation. It is difficult for the farmers to grow crops there. For example: The desert areas are mostly covered by sand. It is impossible to find any land suitable for agriculture. All they can grow are Dates, but that alone cannot suffice. Trading in literal terms means exchanging items which you have for the one's you don't have. Every country is rich is some or the other resource but lacks in some other. By only using the local products and not trading items the government cannot fulfil all the needs of the countrymen. For example: Countries like UAE or Kuwait are rich in oil resource, but have barren lands to produce crops. In such situations, it becomes necessary for them to trade oil for eatable items. In conclusion, I would say that it might sound feasible and simple to be satisfied with whatever we have, but in order to cater the never ending needs of mankind, it is necessary to walk that extra mile and trade or else it will become difficult to survive.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
travels miles to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the takers from the makers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe it will be for the betterment of the nature and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the financial status of a region if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ate local products. In my essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the pros and cons of the same.

Firstly
, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the advantages of eating local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. It is evident that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which is
locally
produced. It
is called
the staple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. The main advantage would be its cost. The farmers producing it will be able to sell it
directly
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
customers than to the brokers in between.
Eventually
, it will be beneficial to both the producer and consumer, as the broker money will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into the picture.
For example
: In the coastal areas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eat more of rice and fish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
readily
available and the items are fresh.
Moreover
, since the eateries are
locally
supplied it will not involve much transportation charges and that will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the pollution under level.

Secondly
, I believe any concept or theory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with its disadvantages. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places in this world where the soil is not fertile
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for cultivation. It is difficult for the farmers to grow crops there.
For example
: The desert areas are
mostly
covered by sand. It is impossible to find any land suitable for agriculture. All they can grow are Dates,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that alone cannot suffice. Trading in literal terms means exchanging items which you have for the one's you don't have. Every country is rich is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
or the other resource
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
lacks in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other. By
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
using the local products and not trading items the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
cannot fulfil all the needs of the countrymen.
For example
: Countries
A determiner is probably missing here: "like the UAE".
like UAE
or Kuwait are rich in oil resource,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have barren lands to produce crops. In such situations, it becomes necessary for them to trade oil for eatable items.

In conclusion
, I would say that it might sound feasible and simple to
be satisfied
with whatever we have,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in order to cater the never ending needs of mankind, it is necessary to walk that extra mile and trade or else it will become difficult to survive.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Government should focus their spending on public service rather than on arts such as music and painting v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
379 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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