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Government money should be used to support children in school for sports rather than to support professional sports and arts that perform for the general public. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Government money should be used to support children in school for sports rather than to support professional sports and arts that perform for the general public. v. 1
It is undeniable that the government must deal with some urgent issues first, such as poverty, pollution, education and so on. From my perspective, this does not mean the government should not spend money to support artists. Art is the main medium of culture. It bridges the culture gap between different countries or religions. Take the art of Erhu of China as an example, in 1980s when Erhu first appeared on the international stage, this traditional Chinese instrument electrified the audience. Ever since that, western countries have started to learn about the Chinese culture through this art. Hence, the government’s support of art will help disseminate cultures and promote commerce with other countries. Furthermore, government spending money on art is also a way to make money and create jobs. For instance, if the government holds art festivals and exhibitions, they will attract a large number of tourists to visit or travel, which will bring economic revenues and increase local employment rates. Therefore, I believe that government has the necessity to invest money on artists. On the other hand, the government spends a lot of its budget on public services mainly because these things determine the quality of life of most people. Public services or goods include hospitals, roads, schools and so on. If the government does not spend enough money on health care, people's state of health may badly affected. Similarly, if there is not enough fund for schools, students may not get a good education. To conclude, it is true that most of the government's funds should be spent on providing people with public goods or services……. . However, artists still worth government's financial help.
It is undeniable that the
government
must
deal with
some
urgent issues
first
, such as poverty, pollution, education and
so
on. From my perspective, this does not mean the
government
should not spend
money
to support artists.

Art is the main medium of
culture
. It bridges the
culture
gap between
different
countries or religions. Take the
art
of
Erhu
of China as an example,
in 1980s
when
Erhu
first
appeared on the international stage, this traditional Chinese instrument electrified the audience. Ever since that, western countries have
started
to learn about the Chinese
culture
through this
art
.
Hence
, the
government’s
support of
art
will
help
disseminate
cultures
and promote commerce with other countries.
Furthermore
,
government
spending
money
on
art
is
also
a way to
make
money
and create jobs.
For instance
, if the
government
holds
art
festivals and exhibitions, they will attract
a large number of
tourists to visit or travel, which will bring economic revenues and increase local employment rates.
Therefore
, I believe that
government
has the necessity to invest
money
on artists.

On the other hand
, the
government
spends
a lot of
its budget on public services
mainly
because
these things determine the quality of life of most
people
. Public services or
goods
include hospitals, roads, schools and
so
on. If the
government
does not spend
enough
money
on health care,
people
's state of health may
badly
affected
.
Similarly
, if there is not
enough
fund for schools, students may not
get
a
good
education.

To conclude
, it is true that most of the
government
's funds should
be spent
on providing
people
with public
goods
or services…….
.
However
, artists
still
worth
government
's financial
help
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Government money should be used to support children in school for sports rather than to support professional sports and arts that perform for the general public. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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