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Government investment in the arts such music and theatre, it is waste of money. Governmentust invest this money in public service instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree with statement. v.1

Government investment in the arts such music and theatre, it is waste of money. Governmentust invest this money in public service instead. with statement. v. 1
Nowadays the government spend a large portion of it's budget on public service and arts. I fully agree with the statement that government must invest this money in public service like public transportation, health care, education and arm force. To began with, there are various reasons for spending a significant amount of government budget on public service. Firstly, investment in public transportation can decrease consumption of fuel and lead to decline in temperature. For example, more people will prefer to use public transport then traffic congestion will be reduce and emissions of CO2 will be minimised. Secondly, they should invest on medical facilities. Prioritizing health care would lead to healthier and happy society. If they invest then all medical treatment will be affordable to all people and medicine will also be of low cost. Furthermore, improving public service is crucial development for our nation. Apart from health care, it is also advisable to invest in education. As spending money on education can be long term investment for our whole country. Our children will be properly educated and will become independent. Moreover, they should spend some money on arm force like navy, police and army. If these facilities will be good then citizens will feel safe and secure. In addition these will reduce crime. To illustrate, after installation of CCTV camera crime rate in society had drastically declined. To conclude, it is undeniable to say that investing money on public service had lots of benefits to the citizens of our nation.
Nowadays the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spend a large portion of it's budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
and arts. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation, health care, education and arm force.

To began with, there are various reasons for spending a significant amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
.
Firstly
, investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation can decrease consumption of fuel and lead to decline in temperature.
For example
, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport then traffic congestion will be
Consider using the past participle "reduced"?
reduce
and emissions of CO2 will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimised' is British English.
minimised
.
Secondly
, they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
on medical facilities. Prioritizing health care would lead to healthier and happy society. If they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
then all medical treatment will be affordable to all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and medicine will
also
be of low cost.

Furthermore
, improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is crucial development for our nation. Apart from health care, it is
also
advisable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
in education. As spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on education can be long
Consider using a past participle here: "termed".
term
investment for our whole country. Our children will be
properly
educated and will become independent.
Moreover
, they should spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on arm force like navy, police and army. If these facilities will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
then citizens will feel safe and secure. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
these will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
crime. To illustrate, after installation of CCTV camera crime rate in society had
drastically
declined.

To conclude
, it is undeniable to say that investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
had lots of benefits to the citizens of our nation.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Government investment in the arts such music and theatre, it is waste of money. Governmentust invest this money in public service instead. with statement. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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