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Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest the money in public, services instead. To that extent do you agree with this statement? v.8

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest the money in public, services instead. To that extent v. 8
According to many people, the investment in art liked music and theatre are not a good use of money. They believe that this money can be utilised to fulfil the increasing demand for public services like hospitals and schools. I agree with this statement to some extent. This essay will emphasise on the reasons why both are important to our society. Our society is built up with various elements. According to few people, some of them may not be that crucial to our existence. They believe that a community needs hospitals with advanced types of equipment and schools with innovative technology for the development of a better society. For instance, a hospital with all the diagnostic equipment’s like computed tomographic scan enables cloches to detect diseases at early stages result in fewer mortalities. Thus, government authorities must invest more finances in these essential sectors to strengthen their basic infrastructure. On the other hand Despite the above facts, I still believe that field of the arts is also important for a society if not equally. Artistic sculptures created over time to help us to remember our cultured existence. The stories reenacted in theatrical performances enable us to relive the history or feels the emotion of an artist, as we get connected with them emotionally at a subconscious level. Furthermore, the music songs, whether traditional folklore or modern pop songs provide us the relaxing environment and entertainment, within the preservation of our cultural inheritance. In conclusion, I can confidently state that the government should invest more in public services. However, I do not believe that financial funding for the futuristic section is a total wastage.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, the investment in art liked music and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
are not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of money. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that this money can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
to fulfil the increasing demand for public services like hospitals and schools. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent. This essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
on the reasons why both are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to our society.

Our society
is built
up with various elements. According
Did you mean "too"?
to
few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them may not be that crucial to our existence. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that a community needs hospitals with advanced types of equipment and schools with innovative technology for the development of a better society.
For instance
, a hospital with all the diagnostic equipment’s like computed tomographic scan enables cloches to detect diseases at early stages result in fewer
Possible spelling mistake found.
mortalities
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
invest more finances in these essential sectors to strengthen their basic infrastructure.
On the other hand


Despite the above facts, I
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that field of the arts is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a society if not
equally
. Artistic sculptures created over time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to remember our cultured existence. The stories reenacted in theatrical performances enable us to relive the history or feels the emotion of an artist, as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
connected with them
emotionally
at a subconscious level.
Furthermore
, the music songs, whether traditional folklore or modern pop songs provide us the relaxing environment and entertainment, within the preservation of our cultural inheritance.

In conclusion
, I can
confidently
state that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should invest more in public services.
However
, I do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that financial funding for the futuristic section is a total wastage.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest the money in public, services instead. To that extent v. 8

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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