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Some believe that people should not continue to work once they reach the age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your experience. v.1

Some believe that people should not continue to work once they reach the age of retirement. v. 1
It is a debated issue whether workers should retain their jobs or retire from service once they attain their termination age. I partly agree that people should retire from their work once they are of age with the following reasons. Aged individuals are assumed to occupy space for the younger generation in the workforce. When the labour market is saturated with people who are of retirement age there is little or no vacancy for young school leavers. A relevant study shows that nations like Japan, who retain the aged for a longer time have more unemployed youths. Therefore, the work force is devoid of fresh ideas from youngsters. Also, ageing is accompanied with weakness and various ailments. To illustrate, Jobs which require standing or taking a particular posture for a long time might not be suitable for the old because most of them have one health issue or the other. For this reason, they are discontinued form woking. In contast, as one does a particular vocation for a long time, experience is gained. Most companies find it very difficult to retire their aged staff because of their knowledge about the job. For instance, In Japan, staff are trained and retained for years and it is quite tough to let go of such experienced staff. Thus, individuals are left to work even when they attain termination age. In addition, incomes generated while working at old age becomes handy for the aged. They aslo have various needs which requires to be sorted out. In order wards, they need to work to make ends meet. In conclusion, i am of the opinion that aged people should be allowed to work so as to share useful experience with the younger ones and also to enable them meet their financial needs through wages that are being paid. Also, more job opportunities should be available to the younger generation too.
It is a debated issue whether workers should retain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
or retire from service once they attain their termination
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should retire from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
once they are of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
with the following reasons.

Aged individuals
are assumed
to occupy space for the younger generation in the workforce. When the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market
is saturated
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are of retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no vacancy for young
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
. A relevant study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that nations like Japan, who retain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
for a longer time have more unemployed youths.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
force is devoid of fresh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
from youngsters.
Also
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
is
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompanied by".
accompanied with
weakness and various ailments. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Jobs
which require standing or taking a particular posture for a long time might not be suitable for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of them have one health issue or the other.
For this reason
, they
are discontinued
form
Possible spelling mistake found.
woking
.

In
Possible spelling mistake found.
contast
, as one does a particular vocation for a long time, experience
is gained
. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
find it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to retire their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
staff
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For instance
, In Japan, staff
are trained
and retained for years and it is quite tough to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
go of such experienced staff.
Thus
, individuals are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
even when they attain termination
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
In addition
, incomes generated while working at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
becomes handy for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
. They
Possible spelling mistake found.
aslo
have various needs which requires to
be sorted
out. In order wards, they need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.

In conclusion
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
share useful experience with the younger ones and
also
to enable them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their financial needs through wages that are
being paid
.
Also
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities should be available to the younger generation too.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some believe that people should not continue to work once they reach the age of retirement. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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