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Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v.29

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v. 29
As the most of the countries’ revenue is collected from the public through the taxation system, it is imperative that governments spend the available fund for the most effective public services of the nation which is beneficial to society at large. Some people believe that governments should allocate sufficient fund for promoting music and arts as these kinds of entertainment activities help adults as well as children to get much relaxation, reduce their tensions and stresses in their busy day to day life. However, from my point of view, countries should employ most of their funds in important public services such as education, health and transport systems rather spending money on entertainment activities as this sector is less beneficial to the public than that of the important the three sectors mentioned above. The most important sector of the economy is the education as the development of in this sector is one of the crucial requirements for a sustainable growth of a country in a long run. The governments all over the world have the responsibility to ensure that every citizen of the country is educated, at least to read and write. The investment in this sector will be in the form of establishing more schools, universities and vocational training centres for the school drop-outs and also providing scholarships for continuing higher education. The next essential sector of the economy is the health. It is vital that everyone in the society has the means to get the basic health benefits. Governments can invest in the health sector in many ways. The medical practitioners should be taken care by providing them with the sufficient remuneration and benefits so that the important skill migration in the medical field of the country could be avoided. Also, the authorities can educate the general public and implement many vaccination programs across the countries to eradicate many diseases such as polio, chicken pox and malaria. The last but not the least significant sector of the country is the public transportation system. States’ funds should be deployed in putting up proper transport network systems such as the building of metro-train facility around the city. More lanes on the highway roads can be built to facilitate the car-pooling for the commuters. This facility will reduce the carbon fuel emission and helps to reduce the global warming. In conclusion, governments should spend a major portion of their funds on highly demanding public-service sectors such as health, education and public transportation rather than spending a huge money on the entertainment sectors such as theatres and music.
As the most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
revenue
is collected
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
through the taxation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, it is imperative that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
spend the available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
for the most effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services of the nation which is beneficial to society at large.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should allocate sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
for promoting music and arts as these kinds of entertainment activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
adults
as well
as children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
much relaxation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their tensions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
in their busy
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life.
However
, from my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should employ most of their funds in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services such as education,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and transport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
rather
spending money on entertainment activities as this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
is less beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
than that of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
the three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
mentioned above.

The most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
of the economy is the education as the development of in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
is one of the crucial requirements for a sustainable growth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in a long run. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
all over the world have the responsibility to ensure that every citizen of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is educated
, at least to read and write.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
investment in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
will be in the form of establishing more schools, universities and vocational training
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
for the school drop-outs and
also
providing scholarships for continuing higher education.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
next
essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
of the economy is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. It is vital that everyone in the society has the means to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
benefits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
can invest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. The medical practitioners should
be taken
care by providing them with the sufficient remuneration and benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
migration in the medical field of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
could
be avoided
.
Also
, the authorities can educate the general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
and implement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
vaccination programs across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to eradicate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases such as polio, chicken pox and malaria.

The last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
. States’ funds should
be deployed
in putting up proper transport network
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
such as the building of metro-train facility around the city. More lanes on the highway roads can
be built
to facilitate the car-pooling for the commuters. This facility will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the carbon fuel emission and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the global warming.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should spend a major portion of their funds on
highly
demanding public-service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation
rather
than spending
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "huge money".
a huge money
on the entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
and music.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v. 29

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
425 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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