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In modern society, many people think primary school should teach science and technology rather than history and geography which are useless and boring. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

In modern society, many people think primary school should teach science and technology rather than history and geography which are useless and boring. v. 1
It is true that there are more and more different subjects which are being taught in all schools, including the primary ones. With the growing importance of new technologies, its proponents insist that the history and geography should be replaced by the science and technology. In my opinion, both sides of the education are equally important and cannot replace each other. Firstly, both the historical and the geographical studies are a part of the human studies, which present the classical education. Moreover, these subjects are so important that they are also taught in the middle and the high schools together with the economic and environmental sub-disciplines. For example, the elementary geography in the primary school is continued with the economic and environmental geography subjects until the completion of the high school. Hence, a cancellation of these two subjects will deprive the pupils from studying more advanced sub-disciplines later on. Secondly, both the humanitarian and the technological sides of education could be taught together without compromising or replacing each other. Furthermore, all the technological subjects complement the human studies by adding very important statistical and calculative data to them. For instance, the economic geography includes meteorology, which is impossible without using very sophisticated data science technologies and mathematics. As a result, it is important to study those disciplines together, starting from the primary school to get prepared for the modern research. In conclusion, although many people believe that the science and technology subjects are so important and should replace the classical studies, I strongly disagree with that. It is most important to implement those studies altogether in order to get the best educational results.
It is true that there are more and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which are
being taught
in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, including the primary ones. With the growing importance of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
, its proponents insist that the history and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
geography
should
be replaced
by the science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. In my opinion, both sides of the education are
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
and cannot replace each other.

Firstly
, both the historical and the geographical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
are a part of the human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, which present the classical education.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
that they are
also
taught in the middle and the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
together with the economic and environmental sub-disciplines.
For example
, the elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
geography
in the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is continued
with the economic and environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
geography
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
until the completion of the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Hence
, a cancellation of these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will deprive the pupils from studying more advanced sub-disciplines later on.

Secondly
, both the humanitarian and the technological sides of education could
be taught
together without compromising or replacing each other.
Furthermore
, all the technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
complement the human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
by adding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
statistical and calculative data to them.
For instance
, the economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
geography
includes meteorology, which is impossible without using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sophisticated data science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and mathematics.
As a result
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
those disciplines together, starting from the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
prepared for the modern research.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
and should replace the classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, I
strongly
disagree with that. It is most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to implement those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
altogether in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best educational results.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay In modern society, many people think primary school should teach science and technology rather than history and geography which are useless and boring. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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