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Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.19

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v. 19
It is argued by some that the government should utilise funds in betterment of public services rather than spending on arts and recreation, while others feel it is right to invest in the latter. I disagree with the notion and this essay will highlight the reasons for my opinion and support it with relevant examples. Firstly, in this era of globalisation and technological advancement, it has been observed that a lot of our ancient history is becoming irrelevant. The arts, theatres and other such facilities, to a great extent, depict our culture and talent. It is therefore vital that a portion of the state's investment be reserved for these recreational facilities. For instance, 11% of the Indian annual budget is allotted to creative arts and cinema. It has substantially aided in preserving classical forms of music and dance. Secondly, it will also help with the country's economy. Proper investments will lead to an increase in quality and quantity of art sites, like museums, which will gradually attract tourists. Therefore, tourism will blossom and will further boost the economy and prove beneficial to the government. For example, Ramoji film city, situated in Hyderabad has been known for attracting tourists from across the country since 5 decades. In Conclusion, I reiterate my opinion that investing in the arts such as songs, movies and other activities is necessary and beneficial for the country. Public services are also significant and shouldn't be overlooked. I would suggest that the revenue generated can further be used to invest in public facilities.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
funds in betterment of public services
rather
than spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and recreation, while others feel it is right to invest in the latter. I disagree with the notion and this essay will highlight the reasons for my opinion and support it with relevant examples.

Firstly
, in this era of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
and technological advancement, it has
been observed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
our ancient history is becoming irrelevant. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
and other such facilities, to a great extent, depict our culture and talent. It is
therefore
vital that a portion of the state's investment
be reserved
for these recreational facilities.
For instance
, 11% of the Indian annual budget
is allotted
to creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and cinema. It has
substantially
aided in preserving classical forms of music and dance.

Secondly
, it will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with the country's economy. Proper investments will lead to an increase in quality and quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
sites, like museums, which will
gradually
attract tourists.
Therefore
, tourism will blossom and will
further
boost the economy and prove beneficial to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ramoji
film city, situated in Hyderabad has
been known
for attracting tourists from across the country since 5 decades.

In Conclusion
, I reiterate my opinion that investing in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
such as songs, movies and other activities is necessary and beneficial for the country. Public services are
also
significant and shouldn't
be overlooked
. I would suggest that the revenue generated can
further
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to invest in public facilities.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v. 19

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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