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Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree? v.24

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v. 24
Art forms such as music, theatre, sculptures define the heritage and culture of a place. In recent times, more importance is being given to the improvement of the public services and facilities by the government. Even though people's well-being is the government's priority, equal importance must be given in protecting the ancient art and culture. In my opinion, a balanced planning is essential for the nation's economic as well as cultural development. As mentioned above, Schools, hospitals and other community infrastructure are essential for better standards of living. For instance, an illiterate society might increase in crime activities, discrimination and lack of awareness among the people. Every child and adult need education for a better future. Similarly, Health is another prime facility that the government constantly invests in that eventually results in healthy communities and societies contributing to the better performance. Therefore, it is important to focus on such fundamental services expected by the people while preparing the budget. However, this doesn't mean arts can be neglected. Every art leads back to ancient history and portraits the cultural aspects in the modern world. It illustrates an underlying story that defines its identity and uniqueness. Henceforth, an equal importance should be given to different arts besides investing in public services. Moreover, people enjoy arts like music and theatre that relieves them from stress and provides entertainment in their stressful lives. Thus art-forms, need to be acknowledged with great significance by the government. To sum up, arts that describe the prominence and development of basic facilities to raise the standards of living equally contribute to the nation's greatness. Having said that, I agree that government should offer its financial assistance to both fields evenly.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
forms such as music,
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
, sculptures define the heritage and culture of a place. In recent times, more importance is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the improvement of the public services and facilities by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Even though
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's well-being is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's priority, equal importance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in protecting the ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and culture. In my opinion, a balanced planning is essential for the nation's economic
as well
as cultural development.

As mentioned above, Schools, hospitals and other community infrastructure are essential for better standards of living.
For instance
, an illiterate society might increase in crime activities, discrimination and lack of awareness among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Every child and adult need education for a better future.
Similarly
, Health is another prime facility that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
constantly
invests in that
eventually
results in healthy communities and societies contributing to the better performance.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to focus on such fundamental services
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
while preparing the budget.

However
, this doesn't mean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
can
be neglected
. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
leads back to ancient history and portraits the cultural aspects in the modern world. It illustrates an underlying story that defines its identity and uniqueness. Henceforth, an equal importance should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
besides
investing in public services.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
like music and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
that relieves them from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and provides entertainment in their stressful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
art-forms, need to
be acknowledged
with great significance by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the prominence and development of basic facilities to raise the standards of living
equally
contribute to the nation's greatness. Having said that, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should offer its financial assistance to both fields
evenly
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v. 24

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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