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Giving detailed information of crime in newspapers and on television has bad consequences. Some suggest that government should impose some restriction on them. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Giving detailed information of crime in newspapers and on television has bad consequences. Some suggest that government should impose some restriction on them. v. 1
In contemporary era, crime has been rapidly increased. According to some people, either newspaper or television should broadcast full information about crime has created evil impact, hence government should impose some limitation on them. I strongly support to this approach, because it has far more ascendancy than disadvantages. Thus, this essay will emphasise my opinion. To commence with, there are plenty of advantages, if government restriction on detail news about crime in either newspaper or television. First and foremost, children who will not influence towards crime and they will not obtain any single idea for crime activity. This is to say that some ways like newspaper or television stop broadcast detail news about crime like, how to attempt some serious crime by criminal and so on. Therefore, children will not get encouragement towards criminal activity and they choose appropriate way for their career. For example, Dubai where government has prohibited on detail news of crime, consequence, their crime rate has bern gradually drop down since last few years. Besides this, one more reason is that criminals are alerted by detail news which view on media. This is because, due to media, they get all information about government taking all steps against crime activities; not only alertness, but also they create master plan against new steps which is made by government. As a result, it will create more critical situation for government and cops. For instance, Akshardham terror attack in 2013 when head of terrorist, monitoring all police position by news channel, therefore 3 cops had died in this situation. Henceforth to conclude, above mention all arguments through it is cristal clear, government should prohibition on broadcasting full information about crime in print media or electronic media. I must say that this approach has far more advantages than nuisance.
In contemporary era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
has been
rapidly
increased. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, either newspaper or television should broadcast full information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
has created evil impact,
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should impose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
limitation on them. I
strongly
support to this approach,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has far more ascendancy than disadvantages.
Thus
, this essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
my opinion.

To commence with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of advantages, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
restriction on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
detail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in either newspaper or television.
First
and foremost, children who will not influence towards
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
crime and
they will not obtain any single
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
activity. This is to say that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways like newspaper or television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
broadcast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
detail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
like, how to attempt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
by criminal and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Therefore
, children will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
encouragement towards criminal
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
activity and
they choose appropriate way for their career.
For example
, Dubai where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has prohibited on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
detail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, consequence, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate has
Possible spelling mistake found.
bern
gradually
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "drop".
drop down
since last few years.

Besides
this, one more reason is that criminals
are alerted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
detail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
which view on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
taking all steps against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
activities; not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
alertness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they create master plan against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
steps which
is made
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
As a result
, it will create more critical situation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and cops.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Akshardham
terror attack in 2013 when head of terrorist, monitoring all police position by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channel,
therefore
3 cops had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
in this situation.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Henceforth
to conclude
, above mention all arguments through it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
cristal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
The word 'prohibition' is a noun or an adjective. A verb is missing or misspelled, or maybe a comma is missing.
should prohibition
on broadcasting full information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in print
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
or electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say that this approach has far more advantages than nuisance.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Giving detailed information of crime in newspapers and on television has bad consequences. Some suggest that government should impose some restriction on them. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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