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give opinion. . Nowadays, children spending more time in playing computer games rather than doing sport. Why? v.2

give opinion. . Nowadays, children spending more time in playing computer games rather than doing sport. Why? v. 2
This day, the children spending time a lot to playing computer game than doing sport. In this essay, I completely disagree. It is that give more disadvantage than advantage. For the reasons. In the one hand, from that issue, the children who spending time a lot to playing game, could be advantage. For example, the game which is played from children will be increased the skill English language. the owing to, many type game using foreign language and who also learn English from some game. the absolutely, many benefit when the people who can using game with wisely. Except, learning foreign language thet also learning such as skills to fix action when they have problem and can get many friends from the application. I hope, the children can to using computer game suitable with time and only use in a little time. On the other hand, there is no doubt, the people live can change with many ways became of many children more interesting to playing game than sport. Firstly, the adults can have introverted character, because of they more focus with game of computer. Secondly, the people have stay lifestyles, it is because they prefer shit in in front of computer, and in addition, the computer which is function to playing game online or online have damage to body. The evidences, many people in the would be attack may disaster because of a bad live behavior some people in daily active. I believe, the hebit can change, when the parents always control the children and the children have to make a plan and should to be continue to exercise to get good pattern and active lifestyle.
This day, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spending time a lot to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer game than doing sport. In this essay, I completely disagree. It is that give more disadvantage than advantage. For the reasons.

In the one hand, from that issue, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who spending time a lot to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
game, could be advantage.
For example
, the game which
is played
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
be increased
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
English language.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
owing to,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
type game using foreign language and who
also
learn English from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
game.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
absolutely
,
Possible agreement error. The noun benefit seems to be countable; consider using: "many benefits".
many benefit
when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can using game with
wisely
. Except, learning foreign language
Possible spelling mistake found.
thet
also
learning such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
action when they have problem and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
friends from the application. I hope, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can to using computer game suitable with time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time.

On the other hand
, there is no doubt, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways became of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more interesting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
game than sport.
Firstly
, the adults can have introverted character,
Probable usage error. Use "because they" instead.
because of they
more focus with game of computer.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have stay lifestyles, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they prefer
This word is considered offensive.
shit
Possible typo: you repeated a word
in in
front of computer, and
in addition
, the computer which is function to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
game online or online have damage to body. The evidences,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
Did you mean "they", "that" or "there"?
the
would be attack may disaster
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
behavior
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in daily active.

I believe, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
hebit
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, when the parents always control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a plan and should to be
Consider using a past participle here: "continued".
continue
to exercise to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
pattern and active lifestyle.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay give opinion. . Nowadays, children spending more time in playing computer games rather than doing sport. Why? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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