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galleries should concentrate on the history and art of their own country rather than the works of art of other parts of the world. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion. v.1

galleries should concentrate on the history and art of their own country rather than the works of art of other parts of the world. with this opinion. v. 1
There are different points of view about the beginning of formal education and this depends on the nations examined. Furthermore, in some countries a form of school begins at four years old, while in others later, when a child is seven or eight. To give a complete answer to this situation, it has to analyse the development of the brain during the years and the capacity of improving children skills. In fact, these concepts aren't objective, thus the government or the parents could decide the starting of the education. Behind this situation, there is an economic issue, because, when both the state and the family make a choice of starting formation process, they have to spend much money to do this, in this way the poor people could see denied this possibility. Consequently, it creates an inequality between social classes. For example, in my tiny town there is a lack of buildings dedicated to these events, because it is in a rural context, where most habitants are unfortunate. Despite the trouble of choice, in my opinion, going to school later is better, inasmuch during the initial period, a child should be free of playing and improving by himself without a particular and formal scheme. In other word, if the formation starts early, in the future, a person will be alienated, because he will be able to express his personality. In conclusion, this problem can't be solved: there isn't the capacity to give a complete explanation of it, due to the lack of knowledge of the child brain growing and also, there is a possible and democratic choice, which is incontestable.
There are
different
points of view about the beginning of formal education and this depends on the nations examined.
Furthermore
, in
some
countries a form of school
begins
at four years
old
, while in others later, when a child is seven or eight.

To give a complete answer to this situation, it
has to
analyse
the development of the brain during the years and the capacity of improving children
skills
. In fact, these concepts aren't objective,
thus
the
government
or the parents could decide the starting of the education. Behind this situation, there is an economic issue,
because
, when both the state and the family
make
a choice of starting formation process, they
have to
spend much money to do this, in this way the poor
people
could
see
denied this possibility.
Consequently
, it creates an inequality between social classes.
For example
, in my tiny town there is a lack of buildings dedicated to these
events
,
because
it is in a rural context, where most habitants are unfortunate.

Despite the trouble of choice, in my opinion, going to school later is better, inasmuch during the initial period, a child should be free of playing and improving by himself without a particular and formal scheme. In other word, if the formation
starts
early, in the future, a person will
be alienated
,
because
he will be able to express his personality.

In conclusion
, this problem can't
be solved
: there isn't the capacity to give a complete explanation of it, due to the lack of knowledge of the child brain growing and
also
, there is a possible and democratic choice, which is incontestable.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay galleries should concentrate on the history and art of their own country rather than the works of art of other parts of the world. with this opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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