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For this task, you will write an essay in response to a question that asks you to state, explain, and support your opinion on an issue. Typically, an effective essay will contain a minimum of 300 words. The quality of your writing includes the development v.1

For this task, you will write an essay in response to a question that asks you to state, explain, and support your opinion on an issue. Typically, an effective essay will contain a minimum of 300 words. The quality of your writing includes the development v. 1
It is considered by some that money can become a key factor in determining happiness. In some cases, this statement can be true. However, there are many other aspects that can have a great influence on people’s happiness. On the one hand, being rich can make people feel happier. In particular, having comfortable financial position can increase people living standard, thus increasing their happiness. For example, wealth helps them to afford better houses, cars and clothes, hence improving their life quality. Moreover, money can buy stress relief. For instance, financial security can help people to eliminate stress from home loan, household bills and rent payment. Another illustration could be that being rich allows people to hire assistants or housemaids, who can help them to reduce workloads and have more time to relax and take care of themselves. On the other hands, money cannot buy happiness. Firstly, money cannot buy health. If you are rich, it means you need to work more than others and you might suffer from some health problems such as high blood pressure or cardiovascular disease. In this case, no matter how rich you are, you cannot take your good health back. Secondly, money cannot buy time. To be specific, wealthy individuals tend to spend more time at work as they always want to earn more. As a result, they do not have enough time for their family and doing what they actually love. Last but not least, the rich people can get their gratification instantly, which can result in instant unhappiness. In fact, as affluent people can quickly buy expensive goods, which makes them feel no longer excited anymore. In other words, the instant gratification makes them feel empty and less motivated to work. In conclusion, although money can offer you a better living standard and comfort life, having a lot of money does not guarantee that you can have a high level of happiness, health and freedom.
It
is considered
by
some
that
money
can become a key factor in determining
happiness
. In
some
cases, this statement can be true.
However
, there are
many
other
aspects that can have a great influence on
people’s
happiness.

On the one hand, being
rich
can
make
people
feel happier.
In particular
, having comfortable financial position can increase
people
living standard,
thus
increasing their
happiness
.
For example
, wealth
helps
them to afford better
houses
, cars and clothes,
hence
improving their life quality.
Moreover
,
money
can
buy
stress
relief.
For instance
, financial security can
help
people
to eliminate
stress
from home loan, household bills and rent payment. Another illustration could be that being
rich
allows
people
to hire assistants or housemaids, who can
help
them to
reduce
workloads and have more
time
to relax and take care of themselves.

On the
other
hands,
money
cannot
buy
happiness
.
Firstly
,
money
cannot
buy
health
. If you are
rich
, it means you need to work more than others and you might suffer from
some
health
problems such as high blood pressure or cardiovascular disease.
In this case
, no matter how
rich
you are, you cannot take your
good
health
back.
Secondly
,
money
cannot
buy
time
. To be specific, wealthy individuals tend to spend more
time
at work as they always want to earn more.
As a result
, they do not have
enough
time
for their family and doing what they actually
love
. Last
but
not least, the
rich
people
can
get
their gratification
instantly
, which can result in instant unhappiness. In fact, as affluent
people
can
quickly
buy
expensive
goods
, which
makes
them feel no longer excited anymore. In
other
words, the instant gratification
makes
them feel empty and less motivated to work.

In
conclusion, although
money
can offer you a better living standard and comfort life, having
a lot of
money
does not guarantee that you can have a high level of
happiness
,
health
and freedom.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay For this task, you will write an essay in response to a question that asks you to state, explain, and support your opinion on an issue. Typically, an effective essay will contain a minimum of 300 words. The quality of your writing includes the development v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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