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For this task, you will write an essay in response to a question that asks you to state, explain, and support your opinion on an issue. Typically, an effective essay will contain a minimum of 300 words. The quality of your writing includes the development v.1

For this task, you will write an essay in response to a question that asks you to state, explain, and support your opinion on an issue. Typically, an effective essay will contain a minimum of 300 words. The quality of your writing includes the development v. 1
It is considered by some that money can become a key factor in determining happiness. In some cases, this statement can be true. However, there are many other aspects that can have a great influence on people’s happiness. On the one hand, being rich can make people feel happier. In particular, having comfortable financial position can increase people living standard, thus increasing their happiness. For example, wealth helps them to afford better houses, cars and clothes, hence improving their life quality. Moreover, money can buy stress relief. For instance, financial security can help people to eliminate stress from home loan, household bills and rent payment. Another illustration could be that being rich allows people to hire assistants or housemaids, who can help them to reduce workloads and have more time to relax and take care of themselves. On the other hands, money cannot buy happiness. Firstly, money cannot buy health. If you are rich, it means you need to work more than others and you might suffer from some health problems such as high blood pressure or cardiovascular disease. In this case, no matter how rich you are, you cannot take your good health back. Secondly, money cannot buy time. To be specific, wealthy individuals tend to spend more time at work as they always want to earn more. As a result, they do not have enough time for their family and doing what they actually love. Last but not least, the rich people can get their gratification instantly, which can result in instant unhappiness. In fact, as affluent people can quickly buy expensive goods, which makes them feel no longer excited anymore. In other words, the instant gratification makes them feel empty and less motivated to work. In conclusion, although money can offer you a better living standard and comfort life, having a lot of money does not guarantee that you can have a high level of happiness, health and freedom.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can become a key factor in determining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, this statement can be true.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects that can have a great influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
happiness.

On the one hand, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel happier.
In particular
, having comfortable financial position can increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living standard,
thus
increasing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
For example
, wealth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to afford better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, cars and clothes,
hence
improving their life quality.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
relief.
For instance
, financial security can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to eliminate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
from home loan, household bills and rent payment. Another illustration could be that being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to hire assistants or housemaids, who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
workloads and have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax and take care of themselves.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hands,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. If you are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
, it means you need to work more than others and you might suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems such as high blood pressure or cardiovascular disease.
In this case
, no matter how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
you are, you cannot take your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
back.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. To be specific, wealthy individuals tend to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at work as they always want to earn more.
As a result
, they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their family and doing what they actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their gratification
instantly
, which can result in instant unhappiness. In fact, as affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
quickly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
expensive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel no longer excited anymore. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the instant gratification
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel empty and less motivated to work.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can offer you a better living standard and comfort life, having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
does not guarantee that you can have a high level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and freedom.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay For this task, you will write an essay in response to a question that asks you to state, explain, and support your opinion on an issue. Typically, an effective essay will contain a minimum of 300 words. The quality of your writing includes the development v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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