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For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? <br> v.2

For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? <br> v. 2
Shopping, by its definition, is an activity through which people visit shops and markets and purchase things and commodities they need. However, this is not always the truth and the terms like ‘hobby shopping’ and ‘shopaholic’ refer the excessive passions and inclination people have towards shopping and purchasing things that they rarely need. In my opinion, shopping habit that allure people to purchase things which they do not need is a bad habit and has more negative aspects. To begin with, we live in a materialistic world and people take pride on the earthly possessions they have. Our moral should be in helping people who are in need, not amassing our own fortune. The excessive shopping habit thus diminishes the true humanity and nurture a hypocrite mentality among people. It is a well-known fact that if someone starts purchasing things that he does not need at all, someday he will not be able to purchase things that he really needs. Second, shopping is an activity that without any doubt gives a shopper a sense of satisfaction and pleasure. However, if someone starts shopping too much, he is bound to be restricted to this activity only while his time for socialising and outdoor activities would be consumed by the time he will spend for shopping. Purchasing things that we do not need is a habit that makes us greedy and imprudent. If we allow ourselves to practice this, we will surely deviate from other morality and quality of life. Finally, pleasure shopping supporters are contented about the fact that they are doing something that makes them happy and they think it is a good way to purchase for the future and who knows when we need what! However, they do not realise that they are spending money and time on something that has no real value. Shopping should be for fulfilling our necessity, not for our personal pleasure. In conclusion, shopping as an entertainment is not a good trend in our personal and social life. We should invest our time and money on more productive activities to make the world even better.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
, by its definition, is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
through which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visit shops and markets and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
things and commodities they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
.
However
, this is not always the truth and the terms like ‘hobby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping’
and ‘shopaholic’ refer the excessive passions and inclination
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and purchasing things that they rarely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
that allure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
things which they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
and has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a materialistic world and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take pride on the
earthly
possessions they have. Our moral should be in helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
, not amassing our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
fortune. The excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
thus
diminishes the true humanity and nurture a hypocrite mentality among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
It is a well-known fact that
if someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
purchasing things that he does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
at all, someday he will not be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
things that he
really
needs.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
that without any doubt gives a shopper a sense of satisfaction and pleasure.
However
, if someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
too much, he
is bound
to
be restricted
to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
while his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
and outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
would
be consumed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
he will spend for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. Purchasing things that we do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us greedy and imprudent. If we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
ourselves to practice this, we will
surely
deviate from other morality and quality of life.

Finally
, pleasure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
supporters
are contented
about the fact that they are doing something that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
happy and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
for the future and who knows when we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
what!
However
, they do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that they are spending money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on something that has no real value.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
should be for fulfilling our necessity, not for our personal pleasure.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as an entertainment is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
trend in our personal and social life. We should invest our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money on more productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world even better.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? <br> v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
351 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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