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Some people think that competitive sports have a positive effect on the child’s education while others argue it is not so. v.1

Some people think that competitive sports have a positive effect on the child’s education while others argue it is not so. v. 1
Sports, nowadays have become an integral part of the young generation. In this regard, some people believe that it is wiser to take it hand in hand with education while some argue schools are meant only for academic studies. In this essay, both these views will be discussed and a conclusion will be drawn. The benefits of including sports in school curriculum are tremendous. A child spends most of his/her time in his school and the attributes inculcated to him/her at this time shapes his future. Sports make him/her healthy, boost confidence, enhance the spirit to win and develop the quality to work hard in competition. Moreover, only academic studies might prove to be monotonous for a kid, so the sports break will prove to be relaxing and refreshing. Furthermore, not all the students in a class desire to become doctor or engineer, some might aspire to be sports star as well. In this case, the school learning would be justifiable for all. On the contrary, some debate that academic learning only needs to be focused in school. In accordance with them, sports act as distracters as a result of which the young ones might fail in their examination. Additionally, they believe kids can play games at home while they are off the school or on vacations and schools need to use all their time on teaching subjects that will help them better jobs in the future. Similarly, in the developing or underdeveloped countries, where there is no scope of games, investment of time and money on them might prove to be worthless. Finally, I would like to conclude that although there are cons of playing games at schools, their pros dare not be underestimated. Therefore, appropriate sports must be included in a child’s curriculum taking studies simultaneously.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
, nowadays have become an integral part of the young generation. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is wiser to take it hand in hand with education while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are meant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for academic studies. In this essay, both these views will
be discussed
and a conclusion will
be drawn
.

The benefits of including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum are tremendous. A child spends most of his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and the attributes inculcated to him/her at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
shapes his future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him/her healthy, boost confidence, enhance the spirit to win and develop the quality to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in competition.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
academic studies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
prove to be monotonous for a kid,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
break will prove to be relaxing and refreshing.
Furthermore
, not all the students in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
desire to become doctor or engineer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
aspire to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
star
as well
.
In this case
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
learning would be justifiable for all.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
debate that academic learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
needs to
be focused
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. In accordance with them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
act as
Possible spelling mistake found.
distracters
as a result
of which the young ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
fail in their examination.
Additionally
, they believe kids can play games at home while they are off the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
or on vacations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on teaching subjects that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them better jobs in the future.
Similarly
, in the developing or underdeveloped countries, where there is no scope of games, investment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money on them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
prove to be worthless.

Finally
, I would like
to conclude
that although there are cons of playing games at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, their pros dare not
be underestimated
.
Therefore
, appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be included
in a child’s curriculum taking studies
simultaneously
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that competitive sports have a positive effect on the child’s education while others argue it is not so. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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