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Some people believe that team sports are very important for children to succeed in their career, others disagree? Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that team sports are very important for children to succeed in their career, others disagree? v. 1
It is often argued that because of this digital era people are becoming more social. However, some people oppose this belief and think that it is making them isolated. In my opinion, technology has made society less social. It is thought that the internet, mobile phones, and other technological advancements have made people more social. In the past, humankind used to interact only with family members and a limited number of friends but nowadays they are getting connected with people all over the world. For instance, social networking sites such as Facebook and Whatsapp has billions of users all over the world, which are having conversations with people overseas, according to a study published by BBC news. That's why modern technology is playing a huge role in allowing people to interact with a lot of people. However, going out and meeting people in person is going out of trend, this is resulting in an isolated society. In other words, in this fast-paced life people got an alternative of chats, calls and video calls instead of physical meetings. They also spend time playing video games or watching television. According to some researchers, these days, every other 4th person is suffering from depression and living in isolation. Thus, the overuse of technology can lead to an unsocial society. To summarize, I opine that technology is making people less social because they don't meet with their peers physically. However, they are virtually in contact with a huge number of people than ever before.
It is
often
argued that
because of this
digital era
people
are becoming more
social
.
However
,
some
people
oppose this belief and
think
that it is making them isolated. In my opinion,
technology
has made society less social.

It is
thought
that the internet, mobile phones, and other technological advancements have made
people
more
social
. In the past, humankind
used
to interact
only
with family members and a limited number of friends
but
nowadays they are getting connected with
people
all over the world.
For instance
,
social
networking sites such as Facebook and
Whatsapp
has billions of users all over the world, which are having conversations with
people
overseas, according to a study published by BBC news. That's why modern
technology
is playing a huge role in allowing
people
to interact with
a lot of
people
.

However
, going out and meeting
people
in person is going out of trend, this is resulting in an isolated society.
In other words
, in this
fast
-paced life
people
got
an alternative of chats, calls and video calls
instead
of physical meetings. They
also
spend time playing video games or watching television. According to
some
researchers, these days, every other 4th person is suffering from depression and living in isolation.
Thus
, the overuse of
technology
can lead to an unsocial society.

To summarize
, I opine that
technology
is making
people
less
social
because
they don't
meet
with their peers
physically
.
However
, they are
virtually
in contact with a huge number of
people
than ever
before
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people believe that team sports are very important for children to succeed in their career, others disagree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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