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Some people believe that team sports are very important for children to succeed in their career, others disagree? Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that team sports are very important for children to succeed in their career, others disagree? v. 1
It is often argued that because of this digital era people are becoming more social. However, some people oppose this belief and think that it is making them isolated. In my opinion, technology has made society less social. It is thought that the internet, mobile phones, and other technological advancements have made people more social. In the past, humankind used to interact only with family members and a limited number of friends but nowadays they are getting connected with people all over the world. For instance, social networking sites such as Facebook and Whatsapp has billions of users all over the world, which are having conversations with people overseas, according to a study published by BBC news. That's why modern technology is playing a huge role in allowing people to interact with a lot of people. However, going out and meeting people in person is going out of trend, this is resulting in an isolated society. In other words, in this fast-paced life people got an alternative of chats, calls and video calls instead of physical meetings. They also spend time playing video games or watching television. According to some researchers, these days, every other 4th person is suffering from depression and living in isolation. Thus, the overuse of technology can lead to an unsocial society. To summarize, I opine that technology is making people less social because they don't meet with their peers physically. However, they are virtually in contact with a huge number of people than ever before.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
because of this
digital era
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
oppose this belief and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is making them isolated. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made society less social.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that the internet, mobile phones, and other technological advancements have made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
. In the past, humankind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to interact
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with family members and a limited number of friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays they are getting connected with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites such as Facebook and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
has billions of users all over the world, which are having conversations with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
overseas, according to a study published by BBC news. That's why modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is playing a huge role in allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to interact with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
, going out and meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in person is going out of trend, this is resulting in an isolated society.
In other words
, in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
an alternative of chats, calls and video calls
instead
of physical meetings. They
also
spend time playing video games or watching television. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researchers, these days, every other 4th person is suffering from depression and living in isolation.
Thus
, the overuse of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can lead to an unsocial society.

To summarize
, I opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with their peers
physically
.
However
, they are
virtually
in contact with a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that team sports are very important for children to succeed in their career, others disagree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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