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for centuries, important parts of education have remained such as reading, writing and maths. with the advent of computers, some people think that computer skill be made as a fourth skill to be added to the list. To what extent do you agree? v.7

for centuries, important parts of education have remained such as reading, writing and maths. with the advent of computers, some people think that computer skill be made as a fourth skill to be added to the list. v. 7
We can't imagine the world without the computers anymore. They became part and parcel of our lives since the beginning of their introduction. Once considered a sophisticated skill set, computer skills, nowadays became indispensable. We are seeing these technical literacy as a mandatory subject added to the curriculum as early as beginning primary education. I strongly advocate the necessity to consider computer literacy as a fourth skill and should definitely be added to the education system. Firstly, the fundamental communication process has been completely shifted from conventional methods like mail, telegram, newspapers to email, SMS, and digitalised news accessed through computing devices. This emphasizes the imperative need for the related literacy right from the childhood. For example, in order to apply for a job these days, we need to have an email along with a digitalised CV as mandatory, so that employers can communicate with potential candidates seeking the employment as quickly as possible. On the other hand, to perform basic day to day tasks including but not limited to, shopping, banking, buying flight tickets and book hotel online, these skills are essential. For example, in the instance of transferring funds between bank accounts, it used to take days, if not weeks. However, it is almost instantaneous these days when it comes to money transfers. This is only possible with the introduction of these super computing devices. Hence, it demands individuals to be equipped with this technical familiarity. To conclude, we can't imagine everyday life without the understanding of how to operate these smart devices as they are embedded in each one's life so deeply. Over the period of time these skills emerged as essential and mandatory for the human way of life. Hence, I strongly support the idea of adding computer skills to the core subjects we learn during our education.
We can't imagine the world without the computers anymore. They became part and parcel of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
since the beginning of their introduction. Once considered a sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
set, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, nowadays became indispensable. We are seeing these technical literacy as a mandatory subject
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the curriculum as early as beginning primary education. I
strongly
advocate the necessity to consider computer literacy as a fourth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
and should definitely be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the education system.

Firstly
, the fundamental communication process has been completely shifted from conventional methods like mail, telegram, newspapers to email, SMS, and
Possible spelling mistake. 'digitalised' is British English.
digitalised
news accessed through computing devices. This emphasizes the imperative need for the related literacy right from the childhood.
For example
, in order to apply for a job these days, we need to have an email along with a
Possible spelling mistake. 'digitalised' is British English.
digitalised
CV as mandatory,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that employers can communicate with potential candidates seeking the employment as
quickly
as possible.

On the other hand
, to perform basic
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
tasks including
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not limited to, shopping, banking, buying flight tickets and book hotel online, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are essential.
For example
, in the instance of transferring funds between bank accounts, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to take days, if not weeks.
However
, it is almost instantaneous these days when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to money transfers. This is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible with the introduction of these super computing devices.
Hence
, it demands individuals to
be equipped
with this technical familiarity.

To conclude
, we can't imagine everyday life without the understanding of how to operate these smart devices as they
are embedded
in each one's life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
deeply
. Over the period of time these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
emerged as essential and mandatory for the human way of life.
Hence
, I
strongly
support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of adding computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to the core subjects we learn during our education.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay for centuries, important parts of education have remained such as reading, writing and maths. with the advent of computers, some people think that computer skill be made as a fourth skill to be added to the list. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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