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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v.41

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 41
Nowadays, by the technological developments in agriculture industry, the food production increases significantly, however due to economic policies and internal wars, there are still many hungry human beings are living around the world. In this essay the causes and solutions will be discussed. Firstly, the more selling the excessive agricultural productions, the less benefit will have for the producers, because increases in supply will result in decreasing in price while the demand is steady. In developed countries, the residual productions are used in other industries such as animal husbandry to prevent the price decline. In addition to that, the most of hungry people are living in African countries which are dealing with internal wars. In this situation, governments should concentrate on the military issues rather than feeding the citizens. There will be different ways to handle this problem. Economists believe that the best way to remain the prices stable, are the same time helping miserable people is to send the excessive production to other countries free. In fact, NGOs and other organizations such as the UN, should pay the price and distribute nutrition among poor societies. On the other side, internal policy makers and leaders of different groups should start negotiations for peace to stop wars. In this situation, administrative section can focus on miserable humans, which are in danger of death due to the hunger. To summarize, national and international sections should do their best to convince different groups to think rationally about stopping wars and believe that there are more important things than money exist in the world. Doing these steps will result in less problem with the food around the world.
Nowadays, by the technological developments in agriculture industry, the food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
increases
significantly
,
however
due to economic policies and internal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hungry human beings are living around the world. In this essay the causes and solutions will
be discussed
.

Firstly
, the more selling the excessive agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productions
, the less benefit will have for the producers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
increases in supply will result in decreasing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
while the demand is steady. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, the residual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productions
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
industries such as animal husbandry to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
decline.
In addition
to that, the most of hungry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are living in African countries which are dealing with internal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
this situation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should concentrate on the military issues
rather
than feeding the citizens.

There will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways to handle this problem. Economists believe that the best way to remain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
stable, are the same time helping miserable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
the excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries free. In fact, NGOs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
organizations such as the UN, should pay the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
and distribute nutrition among poor societies. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, internal
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
policy makers
and leaders of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
groups should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
negotiations for peace to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
. In this situation, administrative section can focus on miserable humans, which are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of death due to the hunger.

To summarize
, national and international sections should do their best to convince
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
groups to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
rationally
about stopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
and believe that there are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things than money exist in the world. Doing these steps will result in less problem with the food around the world.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 41

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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