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For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world However nowadays people s values have changed and we tend to consider science technology and business more important than arts What do you think are the causes of this v.2

For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world However nowadays people s values have changed and we tend to consider science technology and business more important than arts What do you think are the causes of this v. 2
Although the culture of a state is known by art, other things seems to be more important, because they reveal later than art. To know about what happened now a days and why people eager to understand some other things except art, it is better to have a comparison between art and some other factor such as computer science, sports and management as a subclass of business. In my point of view art belongs to traditional world and help people understand how was the ancient world. These days people struggle with computers and technologies. If a person do not know about how working with the computer or surfing the net, he/she would be kind of illiterate person. Furthermore An artist needs technology to share his/her art via regular people and people have to know about computer and technologies besides knowing about art. The fact that in the modern city the people' s taste change might be kindly true. In schools children prefer to go out to do sport instead of sitting behind their desk and painting. For instance France as cultural and the place for popular artist today is a country with a strong football team which people might not remember it as a place of powerful art. I want to mention management as a part of business to explain that business man prefers to know about something related to their work in order to improve their business and think about art as an entertainment. They prefer to pay attention to management science or learning things like that instead of knowing how to draw a sunrise scene. In my view, artist better to use technology and science to inform people about the exhibitions. What' s more it would be useful to have regular conference to talk about ancient art and the secretes for normal people but the important part is showing such is discussion in Television or broadcast devices. To sum up, new thing became more populate because they are everyday use knowledge for normal people and people do not have time or eager to think about art so much.
Although the culture of a state
is known
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, other things seems to be more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they reveal later than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about what happened
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
and why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eager to understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other things except
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, it is better to have a comparison between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other factor such as computer science, sports and management as a subclass of business.

In my point of view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
belongs to traditional world and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
understand how was the ancient world. These days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
struggle with computers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
. If a person do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about how working with the computer or surfing the net, he/she would be kind of illiterate person.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
An artist needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to share his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
via regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about computer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
besides
knowing about art.

The fact that in the modern city the
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s taste
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
might be kindly true. In schools children prefer to go out to do sport
instead
of sitting behind their desk and painting.
For instance
France as cultural and the place for popular artist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is a country with a strong football team which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might not remember it as a place of powerful art.

I want to mention management as a part of business to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
prefers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about something related to their work in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their business and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
as an entertainment. They prefer to pay attention to management science or learning things like that
instead
of knowing how to draw a sunrise scene.

In my view, artist better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and science to inform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the exhibitions.
Possible spelling mistake found.
What&
#039; s more it would be useful to have regular conference to talk about ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and the secretes for normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part is showing such is discussion in Television or broadcast devices.

To sum up, new thing became more populate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are everyday
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
knowledge for normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have time or eager to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world However nowadays people s values have changed and we tend to consider science technology and business more important than arts What do you think are the causes of this v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
350 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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