Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some students like to use the library to do most of their research. Others prefer to do most of their research using the Internet. Which do you prefer? v.1

Some students like to use the library to do most of their research. Others prefer to do most of their research using the Internet. Which do you prefer? v. 1
Recently, there has been an increasing trend of young people, widening their horizons by doing a balancing act of advancing their career or education and pursuing other valued interests such as travelling and volunteering. A valid and crucial point on one side is the need for focus and prioritization of education and work alone. While others are avidly advocating diversifying their experience by going abroad or exploring their hobbies. This essay will discuss why it is advantageous for a person to pursue worthy goals such as studying and working while doing other interests. Firstly, people perform at their best when they focus on a single goal, whether it's education or career. Putting your energies into advancement and improvement is crucial in building personal and organizational capability. For example, professionals who spend most of their time on completing postgraduate studies are preferred to be hired by companies because they prove to be high performers in the workplace. Thus, focusing on studies and career brings about much benefit and rewards. Secondly, there are people who believe adding multiple and different cultural and personally edifying experiences will help individuals succeed more at work and at school. Due to increased social awareness and cultural exposure, people who do travel, arts, music and other noteworthy undertakings are more creative and level-headed in their thoughts and actions. As an example, students who involved themselves in exchange and volunteer programs in foreign countries performed better at school when they came back. This is solid and irrefutable proof that adding experiential learning to study and work increases the ability of a person to widen his knowledge and perspective. In conclusion, while others may believe that focusing on a single endeavour will guarantee greater success, a more convincing proposition is having wider and broader experiences to benefit self and others.
Recently, there has been an increasing trend of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, widening their horizons by doing a balancing act of advancing their career or education and pursuing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
valued interests such as travelling and volunteering. A valid and crucial point on one side is the need for focus and prioritization of education and work alone. While others are
avidly
advocating diversifying their experience by going abroad or exploring their hobbies. This essay will discuss why it is advantageous for a person to pursue worthy goals such as studying and working while doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
interests.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
perform at their best when they focus on a single goal, whether it's education or career. Putting your energies into advancement and improvement is crucial in building personal and organizational capability.
For example
, professionals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
spend most of their time on completing postgraduate studies
are preferred
to
be hired
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they prove to be high performers in the workplace.
Thus
, focusing on studies and career brings about much benefit and rewards.

Secondly
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe adding multiple and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultural and
personally
edifying experiences will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
individuals succeed more at work and at school. Due to increased social awareness and cultural exposure,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do travel, arts, music and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
noteworthy undertakings are more creative and level-headed in their thoughts and actions. As an example, students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
involved themselves in exchange and volunteer programs in foreign countries performed better at school when they came back. This is solid and irrefutable proof that adding experiential learning to study and work increases the ability of a person to widen his knowledge and perspective.

In conclusion
, while others may believe that focusing on a single
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
will guarantee greater success, a more convincing proposition is having wider and broader experiences to benefit self
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students like to use the library to do most of their research. Others prefer to do most of their research using the Internet. Which do you prefer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts