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Food travels thousands of miles from producers to consumers. Some people think that it would be better for the environment and economy if people ate only the local food produced by farmers. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Food travels thousands of miles from producers to consumers. Some people think that it would be better for the environment and economy if people ate only the local food produced by farmers. v. 1
Humans are alive and well because of what they eat and without them having a taste of different produce from other cities, they will be malnourished. Some people are of the opinion that people should eat only food from their community and this essay disagrees with that suggestion. Firstly, when farmers cultivate crops, they do so, in order to sell to their immediate community and other cities so they can make a profit and that's why they produce more than it's needed. If they confine their products within their environment, their harvest will go bad. For example, perishable crops such as tomatoes can't stay long after harvest, it needs to be consumed. So if the farmer decides to sell only within, most of his tomatoes will become bad. Secondly, it's not good for the economy of the locality. Selling locally means the cultivator can't attract foreign investment thereby, stunting the growth of his local area. By accessing international markets, the cultivator can expand his business and grow the economy. For example, the sale of cocoa in the international market helps countries such as Ghana to develop. Thirdly, the government can build silos to store harvested crops so as to preserve them until when they are needed for consumption. For example, countries build silos to store maize for the period when maize is scarce, so as to make them available to their people when the need arises. This has helped to sustain several localities to survive the scarcity. In conclusion, the growth of a country via the sale of a commodity only within its locality doesn't guarantee a better work life and environment for the people. Rather, a country which opens its market for others guarantees this.
Humans are alive and well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of what they eat and without them having a taste of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
produce from other cities, they will
be malnourished
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should eat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
food from their community and this essay disagrees with that suggestion.

Firstly
, when farmers cultivate crops, they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, in order to sell to their immediate community and other cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a profit and that's why they produce more than it's needed. If they confine their products within their environment, their harvest will go
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
For example
, perishable crops such as tomatoes can't stay long after harvest, it needs to
be consumed
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if the farmer decides to sell
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
within, most of his tomatoes will become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.

Secondly
, it's not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the economy of the locality. Selling
locally
means the cultivator can't attract foreign investment thereby, stunting the growth of his local area. By accessing international markets, the cultivator can expand his business and grow the economy.
For example
, the sale of cocoa in the international market
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as Ghana to develop.

Thirdly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can build silos to store harvested crops
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
preserve them until when they
are needed
for consumption.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
build silos to store maize for the period when maize is scarce,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them available to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when the need arises. This has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to sustain several localities to survive the scarcity.

In conclusion
, the growth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
via the sale of a commodity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
within its locality doesn't guarantee a better work life and environment for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Rather
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which opens its market for others guarantees this.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Food travels thousands of miles from producers to consumers. Some people think that it would be better for the environment and economy if people ate only the local food produced by farmers. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
286 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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