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More and more people think there is no need for printed paper newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

More and more people think there is no need for printed paper newspapers. v. 1
It is clear that world becomes more and more globalised as compared to before. This globalization defines that the whole globe is integrating economically, socially, politically and culturally through advance technology. Most of the people believe that these have a various benefits to the society, while others opposing this view. However, there are several advantages as well as disadvantages of this situation. On the one side, there are myriad merits to the business organisations due to this united culture. This means that there is a cooperation between developed and developing nations, which moves further to the success in the business contracts and this leads to the economic growth of the developing countries. Consequently, the whole nations get benefited in their inventions and achievements, which indicates that reduction of poverty and corruption in poor nations. Furthermore, these also develops the international tourism. In other words, these activities can bring other cultures to and from various countries, and there is a cultural exchange between the nations of the world. On the other hand, there are enormous ill effects also, in which these cases bring to the community. First of all, individual's culture and religion may get disappear from this generation. This provides a clear understanding that local regional activities are neglected by people due to foreign cultures and traditions. For instance, in this modern technology of the world, western culture is dominating in various countries like India and other developing nations. As a result, the fame for the Indian culture distracted from other regions of the world in areas like dressing and eating habits. To conclude, although this globalization brings certain benefits to the business and political organisations, but this may have serious impact on the own cultural and traditional activities.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that world becomes more and more
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalised' is British English.
globalised
as compared to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. This globalization defines that the whole globe is integrating
economically
,
socially
,
politically
and
culturally
through advance technology. Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that these have a various
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "benefit"?
benefits
to the society, while others opposing this view.
However
, there are several advantages
as well
as disadvantages of this situation.

On the one side, there are myriad merits to the business
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
due to this united
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. This means that there is a cooperation between developed and developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
further
to the success in the business contracts and this leads to the economic growth of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.
Consequently
, the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefited in their inventions and achievements, which indicates that reduction of poverty and corruption in poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
Furthermore
, these
also
develops the international tourism. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, these activities can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
to and from various countries, and there is a cultural exchange between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
of the world.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are enormous ill effects
also
, in which these cases bring to the community.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, individual's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and religion may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
disappear from this generation. This provides a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
understanding that local regional activities
are neglected
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
due to foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and traditions.
For instance
, in this modern technology of the world, western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is dominating in various countries like India and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
As a result
, the fame for the Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
distracted from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
regions of the world in areas like dressing and eating habits.

To conclude
, although this globalization brings certain benefits to the business and political
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this may have serious impact on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cultural and traditional activities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people think there is no need for printed paper newspapers. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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