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Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. v.7

Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. v. 7
It is an obvious fact that financial aspects are a major part of daily life, as an adult and even as a young individual. Each and every one of us has to make financial decisions concerning recreation, health, education and more. The question is whether to start with financial education as part of the school program or postpones it for a later stage in life. To being with, being able to understand the value of money, the way the economic system works and interpret financial news and its implications is a virtue. Without this virtue, an individual, and even a young one, might suffer, to some extent. For  example, a child who doesn’t understand the concept of money might find it more difficult to accept choosing only one present out of many possible ones. In addition, many adults are lacking financial analysis capabilities. Quite often, the reason can be a shaky basis or insecurity when it comes to financial terms and concepts. Starting from an early age, building a strong background can very likely prevent such a situation. However, financial education necessarily involves quantifying and setting prices and value for services and goods. It can easily turn young people into cynical and cold-hearted human beings. Furthermore, a tendency to self-concentration and egoism might rise when one starts measuring everything from a profit making perspective. In conclusion, financial education has both pros and cons. In my opinion, the advantages are stronger than the disadvantages, making financial education an advisable component of the school program. The disadvantages should be thought of as a certain price that young people have to pay due to the characteristics of the world that we live in.
It is an obvious fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
aspects are a major part of daily life, as an adult and even as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individual.
Consider using "Each one".
Each and every one
of us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
decisions concerning recreation, health,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and more. The question is whether to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as part of the school program or postpones it for a later stage in life.

To
Did you mean "begin"?
being
with, being able to understand the value of money, the way the economic system works and interpret
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
news and its implications is a virtue. Without this virtue, an individual, and even a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
one, might suffer, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent. For
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
example, a child who doesn’t understand the concept of money might find it more difficult to accept choosing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one present out of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possible ones.

In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adults are lacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
analysis capabilities. Quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
, the reason can be a shaky basis or insecurity when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
terms and concepts. Starting from an early age, building a strong background can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
likely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
such a situation.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
necessarily
involves quantifying and setting prices and value for services and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. It can
easily
turn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
into cynical and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
-hearted human beings.
Furthermore
, a tendency to self-concentration and egoism might rise when one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
measuring everything from a profit making perspective.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has both pros and cons. In my opinion, the advantages are stronger than the disadvantages, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
an advisable component of the school program. The disadvantages should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of as a certain price that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay due to the characteristics of the world that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. v. 7

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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