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Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. To what extent would you say that television has positively or negatively affected the cultural development of your society? v.4

Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. v. 4
Television is one of the most widely used modern technologies in this time. Television is a great source of information and entertainment. There are many programs and lots of channels that people can view and choose from. Some of the programs that televisions provide have both good and bad impacts. To begin, television shows many film programs and also news that really are interesting to watch. It gives information which is mostly up to date, so we will know about the new information. With many learning programs, children can learn more about anything or probably know about another country although they have never gone there. In addition, the advertisement in television program can help some of the housewives to improve their knowledge about cooking, housekeeping, gardening, travel etc. Because of that for a housewife who loves cooking sometimes they can learn through watching television programmes. Furthermore, besides good information and other valuable information and entertainment that the television provides us, it could be a terrible problem to some people as well. For example, someone who really likes watching TV sometimes does not feel satisfied with their lives, because they want to be an actress or actor in TV, this condition shows that they are addicted to television. Also for children, they will have a low concentration with their subject in school. Many people get addicted watching TV and that is harmful to them. The news presented on a TV is not always fair and many of the biased news can cause great chaos among people. In conclusion, television is an important technology for every people today. Because it provides much information that really improves our knowledge. We can know anything about this world without even visiting there. But we must manage our time to watch TV and prudently schedule out the timing for TV. Parents must be cautious and take more control of their children’s TV schedule.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
is one of the most
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
modern technologies in this time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
is a great source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and entertainment. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
and lots of channels that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can view and choose from.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
provide have both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impacts.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
that
really
are interesting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
. It gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
which is
mostly
up to date,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we will know about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. With
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
, children can learn more about anything or
probably
know about another country although they have never gone there.

In addition
, the advertisement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
housewives to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge about cooking, housekeeping, gardening, travel etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that for a housewife who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
cooking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they can learn through watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.

Furthermore
,
besides
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and other valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and entertainment that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
provides us, it could be a terrible problem to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
.
For example
, someone who
really
likes watching TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
does not feel satisfied with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to be an actress or actor in TV, this condition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that they
are addicted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
for children, they will have a low concentration with their subject in school.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted watching TV and
that is
harmful to them. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
presented on a TV is not always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the biased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
can cause great chaos among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
technology for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
it provides much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
that
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
our knowledge. We can know anything about this world without even visiting there.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
manage our time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV and
prudently
schedule out the timing for TV. Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be cautious and take more control of their children’s TV schedule.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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