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Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.6

Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. with this statement? v. 6
Certain people think that surviving in a country where they need to communicate in a foreign language leads to several social and practical problems. I partially agree with this point because people find it difficult to blend in the initial days but as the days pass by this would be a cake walk for almost all of them. This essay will discuss on problems people face and how they cope with an international language in a different country followed by a reasoned conclusion. To embark on, when people move from a developing country to a developed country they face problems with the rules and regulations they have to abide and the lifestyle difference would make them sick in the initial days of moving into any country and moreover, being in harder days of life, language also show some impact because people find it difficult to express their views or feelings when they are in deep trouble. For instance, If someone recently moved into some country and she/he barely know anyone there, then she finds it difficult for at least a week to get things done for herself like the initial setup because of the language barrier. Hence, it is important to know how to express views in a foreign language before someone move to any country. Furthermore, language acts a primary medium of communication and it is important to learn language at least at an expert level before moving into any country because there might be chances for the native people to get offended when people do not express in a proper way due to lack of language. For example, due to less awareness of the language, some foreign people think that they actually cracked a joke and it might convey to native speakers in a detrimental way and consequently leads to a social damage. Hence, it is important for each and every individual to get a better command on the language before moving to any country. However, people even actually learn from their mistakes and gets comfortable with the language as the days pass. To conclude, people face some challenges to survive in a foreign country during the initial phases of life because of the language difference but could learn quickly from the past experiences.
Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that surviving in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where they need to communicate in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
leads to several social and practical problems. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it difficult to blend in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
initial
days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as the days pass by this would be a cake walk for almost all of them. This essay will discuss on problems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face and how they cope with an international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
followed by a reasoned conclusion.

To embark on, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from a developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
they face problems with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
abide and the lifestyle difference would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them sick in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
initial
days of moving into any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
moreover
, being in harder days of life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
impact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it difficult to express their views or feelings when they are in deep trouble.
For instance
, If someone recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
country and
she/he
barely
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "knows", "knew".
know
anyone there, then she finds it difficult for at least a week to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
things done for herself like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
initial
setup
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
barrier.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to know how to express views in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "moves", "moved".
move
to any country.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
acts a primary medium of communication and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at least at an expert level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
moving into any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there might be chances for the native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
offended when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not express
Consider replacing "in a proper way" with the adverb for "proper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proper way
due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
For example
, due to less awareness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they actually cracked a joke and it might convey to native speakers
Consider replacing "in a detrimental way" with the adverb for "detrimental"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a detrimental way
and
consequently
leads to
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "social damage".
a social damage
.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for each and every individual to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better command on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
moving to any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even actually learn from their mistakes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
comfortable with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
as the days pass.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
challenges to survive in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
initial
phases of life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
difference
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
could learn
quickly
from the
Consider using "experiences".
past experiences
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. with this statement? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
376 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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