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http: //testbig. com/toefl-speaking/toefl-integrated-speaking-question-5-speakers-discuss-two-possible-solutions-woman-s v.1

http: //testbig. com/toefl-speaking/toefl-integrated-speaking-question-5-speakers-discuss-two-possible-solutions-woman-s v. 1
Juvenile delinquency has risen considerably than ever before. In many circles, it is argued that parents ought to be punished in some way. In contrast, others concede that it does not necessarily parents’ fault, although it is the onus on them to rear their children so that they become responsible citizen towards society. In this instance, I am of my honest opinion that nobody should be punished for the crime he has not committed at all. To commence with, nowhere can you find such a parent who does not want his offspring to be polite and responsible human being. Every parent always tries to do his best for bringing up a teenager, so as he can become a sensible man. Even though, parents never flinch from doing tedious jobs to meet their children need. Not only do they provide amenities, but also they teach their children about how to be a sensible human being. Nevertheless, some children may engage in anti-social activities. And the parents of these children always discourage such activities. They try to convince the child. They scold the teenager sometimes. Notwithstanding the love and scolding used in parenting, the child may become recalcitrant. So, this will be really unfair to punish the parents for their kid’s offence. Besides, there are other factors what may indulge a youngster to engage in anti-social activities. It is seen that children very often are influenced by the violent movies or TV programmes and gangs around them. The characters of these movies are presented in pompous fashion and the exposure to violence that may easily entice the children involving in anti-social activities. That is to say that the heavy exposure to violence through movies, TV programmes, Internet sites, video games, and even cartoons has long been associated with a rise in the probability that a child will become susceptible to violence and behave in antisocial and aggressive ways. Another key fact is that antisocial behaviour may also be developed by the child’s irritability and temperament. Several factors, thus, contribute to the development of children's antisocial behaviour which have no relation to parents. To recapitulate, parents always try to ensure their children not to involve in activities deemed as antisocial in nature. Besides, there are other factors lie in the social context the children live in contribute to the shaping antisocial behaviour. Above all, the state or society has no moral justification to punish anybody who does not commit crimes. That is why, I firmly believe that it will be an injustice to the parents if they are punished for their children’s crime.
Juvenile delinquency has risen
Use "(considerably)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
considerably
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
circles, it
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
ought to
be punished
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
way.
In contrast
, others concede that it does not
necessarily
The verb 'does' requires base form of the verb: "parent"
parents
’ fault, although it is the onus on them to rear their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
responsible citizen towards society.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
this instance, I am of my honest opinion that nobody should
be punished
for the crime he has not committed at all.

To commence with, nowhere can you find such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
who does not want his offspring to be polite and responsible human being. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
always tries to do his best for bringing up a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as he can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a sensible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.
Even though
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
never flinch from doing tedious jobs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do they provide amenities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about how to be a sensible human being.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may engage in anti-social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. And the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
always discourage such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. They try to convince the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. They scold the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
. Notwithstanding the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and scolding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in parenting, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
recalcitrant.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this will be
really
unfair to punish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for their kid’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
.

Besides
, there are other factors what may indulge a youngster to engage in anti-social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
are influenced
by the violent movies or TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and gangs around them. The characters of these movies
are presented
in pompous fashion and the exposure to violence that may
easily
entice the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
involving in anti-social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
That is
to say that the heavy exposure to violence through movies, TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, Internet sites, video games, and even cartoons has long
been associated
with a rise in the probability that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
susceptible to violence and behave in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
antisocial
and aggressive ways. Another key fact is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
antisocial
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
may
also
be developed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
irritability and temperament. Several factors,
thus
, contribute to the development of children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
antisocial
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
which have no relation to parents.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
always try to ensure their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not to involve in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
deemed as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
antisocial
in nature.
Besides
, there are other factors lie in the social context the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in contribute to the shaping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
antisocial
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Above all
, the state or society has no moral justification to punish anybody who does not commit crimes.
That is
why, I
firmly
believe that it will be an injustice to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
if they
are punished
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
crime.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay http: //testbig. com/toefl-speaking/toefl-integrated-speaking-question-5-speakers-discuss-two-possible-solutions-woman-s v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
430 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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