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Fewer and fewer young people are choosing to become teachers. Why do young people not want to become teachers? How this could be changed? v.2

Fewer and fewer young people are choosing to become teachers. Why do young people not want to become teachers? How this could be changed? v. 2
Teachers are considered as an integral and one of the most important professions from the ancient times. But, lately the number of young people taking teaching as their professional career has plunged. There are a number of reasons that have contributed to sudden decline in the interest such as salary, balanced lifestyle to name some. Apparently, every individual wants a job that can not only fulfil rudimentary needs, but also enhance their lifestyles. Contrastingly, teaching as a profession is not able to meet the expectations of the youngsters, leading to the paucity of teachers in the present era. Moreover, the salary of teachers is scant, which results younger generation to shun the profession. For instance, the initial wage of teachers in India is around 20 thousand, which is half as compared to salary of doctors and IT professionals. Aggravating the hardships, teachers have to undergo an extra pressure and sacrifice their personal time at home to make exam question papers, check exam copies. Furthermore, the teacher has an additional responsibility of handling small children and teenagers, which adds up to the effort by manifold required to train them in respective topics. Therefore, teachers should have wage commensurate with other professions which would foster youths and entice them to take up teaching as a career. Furthermore, the burden on the teachers should be adequately monitored and should be decreased if that is hampering the personal life of the teacher. In the nutshell, teachers have a huge responsibility of shaping up the future generations. Therefore, scarcity of good teachers can prodigiously affect development of young minds. So, the current trend can be altered by giving appropriate recognition and in proportion pay with the other professions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
are considered
as an integral and one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
from the ancient times.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, lately the number of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
taking teaching as their professional career has plunged. There are a number of reasons that have contributed to sudden decline in the interest such as salary, balanced lifestyle to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
.

Apparently
, every individual wants a job that can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fulfil rudimentary needs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enhance their lifestyles.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Contrastingly
, teaching as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
is not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the expectations of the youngsters, leading to the paucity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in the present era.
Moreover
, the salary of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is scant, which results younger generation to shun the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
.
For instance
, the initial wage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in India is around 20 thousand, which is half as compared to salary of doctors and IT professionals.

Aggravating the hardships,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
undergo an extra pressure and sacrifice their personal time at home to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
exam question papers,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
exam copies.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
has an additional responsibility of handling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
up to the effort by manifold required to train them in respective topics.

Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should have wage commensurate with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
which would foster youths and entice them to take up teaching as a career.
Furthermore
, the burden on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should be
adequately
monitored and should
be decreased
if
that is
hampering the personal life of the teacher.

In the nutshell,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have a huge responsibility of shaping up the future generations.
Therefore
, scarcity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can
prodigiously
affect development of young minds.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
trend can
be altered
by giving appropriate recognition and in proportion pay with the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Fewer and fewer young people are choosing to become teachers. Why do young people not want to become teachers? How this could be changed? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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