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There is an increase in noise in our daily lives what are the causes of this problem and what will be the solutions. v.1

There is an increase in noise in our daily lives what are the causes of this problem and what will be the solutions. v. 1
Nowadays, the behaviour of consumers has changed rapidly. Online shopping has been favoured by so many people. Some argue that the high street shops will be replaced by online shops entirely in the future, but some argue that it cannot be possible to replace entirely. In this essay, I will give my opinions towards the statement. First of all, people cannot refuse that the popularity of online shopping is increasing dramatically. Moreover, producers are also aware of the situations and try to adapt themselves towards the situation as well. I personally agree that nowadays, people like an online shoppings, but they cannot replace the street shops entirely. There are several products that are needed to be seen before they are purchased for example, clothes, cars, and luxury goods. These products are needed to be tried or looked before the consumers can make decisions. However, online shoppings also provide several benefits to their customers. First, it is convenient because an individual does not need to go to the actual shops to buy something that they want. Also, other businesses that related to the online shopping are growing along the growth of online shops, for instance, shipping companies like Grab, Kerry express and Flash. On the other hands, buying goods online can potentially cause several effects to the environment and people. To begin with, when shipping the goods, it will require energy and fossil fuels if goods are being transported via cars, motorbikes, airplanes and boats. All the wraps and packagings will be throwing away. In the worst case, those packages will not be destroyed properly, which later on will be polluted. To conclude, there are both benefits and causes from the growth of shopping online. I personally agree with this thought, but at the same time it cannot be replaced entirely. There are several negative impacts that will be occurring due to the increasing of online shopping.
Nowadays, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of consumers has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
rapidly
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has been
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that the high street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
will
be replaced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entirely
in the future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that it cannot be possible to replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entirely
. In this essay, I will give my opinions towards the statement.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot refuse that the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is increasing
dramatically
.
Moreover
, producers are
also
aware of the situations and try to adapt themselves towards the situation
as well
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "shopping"?
shoppings
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they cannot replace the street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entirely
. There are several products that
are needed
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
for example
, clothes, cars, and luxury
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
. These products
are needed
to
be tried
or looked
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the consumers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
Possible spelling mistake found.
shoppings
also
provide several benefits to their customers.
First
, it is convenient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
an individual does not need to go to the actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something that they want.
Also
, other businesses that related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
are growing along the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
,
for instance
, shipping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
like Grab, Kerry express and Flash.

On the other hands, buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
can
potentially
cause several effects to the environment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, when shipping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
, it will require energy and fossil fuels if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
are
being transported
via cars, motorbikes, airplanes and boats. All the wraps and
Possible spelling mistake found.
packagings
will be throwing away. In the worst case, those packages will not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
properly
, which later on will
be polluted
.

To conclude
, there are both benefits and causes from the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time it cannot
be replaced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entirely
. There are several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts that will be occurring due to the increasing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay There is an increase in noise in our daily lives what are the causes of this problem and what will be the solutions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
316 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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