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Feedback and evaluation are necessary aspects of school and work, but many people dislike being evaluated. What are the causes of this problem? How could it be solved? v.2

Feedback and evaluation are necessary aspects of school and work, but many people dislike being evaluated. What are the causes of this problem? How could it be solved? v. 2
Throughout a person's life from school to work, they definitely face various stages of evaluation. Although feedback and assessment are prerequisite for both educational and professional perspectives, a lot of people do not prefer to be judged by others. That's why the positive impacts of evaluation and feedback from responsible persons should be emphasized at both schools and organizations. It is clear that the educational process could not be fully accomplished without getting feedback from teachers about students for their parents. Similarly, when those students become adults and begin their professional life, the same take place, but instead of teachers, there are colleagues and employers. Naturally, humans dislike being evaluated because of many reasons. Firstly, at school, children usually have the fear of punishment from parents if they get low grades in exams, for example. Apart from that, they prefer to be free from any obligatory commitment doing tasks. Secondly, at work, employees get under the judgement of their peers and direct managers, which in some cases might be unfair from their point of view. However, the purpose of evaluation mainly works in the favor of people being assessed. Educators and employers should clarify the objectives behind this operation. Teachers in schools, for instance, have to guide children to plan for their future projects based on the evaluation results. By doing so, young people, themselves, will be encouraged to be assessed. On the other side, managers at work should take the responsibility to motivate their subordinates and provide them with the required training sessions according to the results of assessment. In conclusion, while feedback and evaluation might not be preferred by some individuals, they have favorable influence on students and employees as well.
Throughout a person's life from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they definitely face various stages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evaluation
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feedback
and assessment are prerequisite for both educational and professional perspectives,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not prefer to
be judged
by others. That's why the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evaluation
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feedback
from responsible persons should
be emphasized
at both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and organizations.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the educational process could not be
fully
accomplished without getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feedback
from teachers about students for their parents.
Similarly
, when those students become adults and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
their professional life, the same take place,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
instead
of teachers, there are colleagues and employers.
Naturally
, humans dislike
being evaluated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.
Firstly
, at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, children
usually
have the fear of punishment from parents if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
low grades in exams,
for example
. Apart from that, they prefer to be free from any obligatory commitment doing tasks.
Secondly
, at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
under the judgement of their peers and direct managers, which in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases might be unfair from their point of view.

However
, the purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evaluation
mainly
works in the favor of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
being assessed
. Educators and employers should clarify the objectives behind this operation. Teachers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
for instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
guide children to plan for their future projects based on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evaluation
results. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, themselves, will
be encouraged
to
be assessed
. On the other side, managers at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should take the responsibility to motivate their subordinates and provide them with the required training sessions according to the results of assessment.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feedback
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evaluation
might not
be preferred
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals, they have favorable influence on students and employees
as well
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Feedback and evaluation are necessary aspects of school and work, but many people dislike being evaluated. What are the causes of this problem? How could it be solved? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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