Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. v. 1
According to some people, the role of a father in bringing up a child is as important as that of a mother and hence fatherhood must be lauded as much as motherhood. I fully agree with this view. Of course, the mother has a greater role than the father in bringing the child into this world, but once the baby is born both parents play an equal role in raising him. A father’s affection for the child is as pure and invaluable as that of a mother. In addition, both parents have the same biological relation with the child. Of course, the mother has a slightly more important role in the first few months after the baby is born, but afterwards, their roles and responsibilities are more or less the same. Men’s idea of parenting has also changed dramatically over the years. Earlier many men only provided financially for the child and shied away from other responsibilities of fatherhood. But the new age father belongs to an altogether different species. He believes in sharing every aspect of parenting with his wife. Needless to say, the modern father plays with the child, cuddles him, changes his diapers and calms him down when he is crying. He ensures that the child is fed and clothed properly and helps with his studies and homework. The modern mother also expects this of her husband. It is practically impossible for a woman to look after her child all the time and still pursue a demanding career. Needless to say, young mothers these days want their husbands to have the same role as them in raising the child. What’s more, whether or not the father plays an active role in the upbringing of the child, his son or daughter will always feel more secure and protected under his wings. For example, if a child is harassed by a bully, the father is the first person he approaches for support. If the father wasn’t important, the child would not turn to him in the first place. What’s more, in many families, the role of the father is not limited to providing emotional support. He is also the bread winner. He is the one who provides for the child and his mother. In conclusion, the inalienable blood relation and the emotional bond that the father shares with the child make fatherhood as important as motherhood. Also, I believe the idyllic joy of parenthood is as unique and special for a father as it is for a mother.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
in bringing up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
as that of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
and
hence
fatherhood
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be lauded
as much as motherhood. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.
Of course
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
has a greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
in bringing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
into this world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
once the baby
is born
both parents play an equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in raising him.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father’s
affection for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is as pure and invaluable as that of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
.
In addition
, both parents have the same biological relation with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
Of course
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
has a
slightly
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in the
first
few months after the baby
is born
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
afterwards, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
and responsibilities are more or less the same.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of parenting has
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
over the years. Earlier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provided
financially
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and shied away from other responsibilities of fatherhood.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the new age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
belongs to an altogether
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
species. He believes in sharing every aspect of parenting with his wife. Needless to say, the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
plays with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, cuddles him,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
his diapers and calms him down when he is crying. He ensures that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is fed
and clothed
properly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
with his studies and homework.

The modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expects
this of her husband. It is
practically
impossible for a woman to look after her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
all the time and
still
pursue a demanding career. Needless to say, young mothers these days want their husbands to have the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
as them in raising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. What’s more,
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
plays an active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in the upbringing of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, his son or daughter will always feel more secure and protected under his wings.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is harassed
by a bully, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
is the
first
person he approaches for support. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
wasn’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
would not turn to him in the
first
place. What’s more, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
is not limited to providing emotional support. He is
also
the bread winner. He is the one who provides for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and his mother.

In conclusion
, the inalienable blood relation and the emotional bond that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
shares with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fatherhood as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
as motherhood.
Also
, I believe the idyllic joy of parenthood is as unique and special for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
as it is for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
419 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts