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Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. Discuss and give your opinion. v.2

Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. Discuss and give your opinion. v. 2
For a span of nine to ten months, a woman endures a phenomenal amount of psychological and emotional changes which come with pregnancy and childbirth. Due to this, the decision of having a child or not rests with the willingness of her. There has been an ideology spinning around that, as the child is conceived by the woman and was solely her decision, the entire responsibility of the kid's upbringing rests on her shoulders. I personally believe that this ideology comes with a set of flaws. Firstly, the decision of childbearing solely rests with the woman. However, there are also other factors which come into play. The financial stability of the two parents is a big decision point. Having a child and not having the finances to raise a child would be a disaster. Also, the idea parenting is a shared responsibility between the husband and wife. A father is equally responsible for taking care of a child as the mother. There are certain activities which only a father can do. Such as taking them to sports events or to a park to play football with them. Consequently, a kid who rarely sees one's father tends to build a negative impression around him and strengthen the bond with the mother alone. In addition to the above point, women of the present generation are much stronger, outgoing and open-minded than the conservative kind we see from the previous generation. They have started to come out of the "four walls" philosophy and are beginning to make a name for themselves in the society. With this prevalent in the culture of today, there is a need for shared responsibilities between parents. For example, A mother would drop the child to school and the father would pick them up in the evening. This idea of shared responsibilities not only builds trust between the parents, but also among the family as they spend enough time together. In conclusion, I would like to say that it is best we do away with the notion of dumping the parenting of a child to a woman and start opening our minds to sharing equal responsibility as parents. We should rather believe in shared parenthood to keep up with the family dynamics which keep changing with the times to come.
For a span of nine to ten months, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
endures a phenomenal amount of psychological and emotional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with pregnancy and childbirth. Due to this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
of having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
or not rests with the willingness of her. There has been an ideology spinning around that, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is conceived
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
and was
solely
her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
, the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
of the kid's upbringing rests on her shoulders. I
personally
believe that this ideology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with a set of flaws.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
of childbearing
solely
rests with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
.
However
, there are
also
other factors which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into play. The financial stability of the two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
point. Having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and not having the finances to raise a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
would be a disaster.
Also
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
parenting is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
between the husband and wife. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
is
equally
responsible for taking care of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
as the mother. There are certain activities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
can do. Such as taking them to sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
or to a park to play football with them.
Consequently
, a kid who rarely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
tends to build a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impression around him and strengthen the bond with the mother alone.

In addition
to the above point, women of the present generation are much stronger, outgoing and open-minded than the conservative kind we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from the previous generation. They have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
four walls
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
philosophy and are beginning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a name for themselves in the society. With this prevalent in the culture of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, there is a need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For example
, A mother would drop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to school and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
would pick them up in the evening. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
builds trust between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
among the family as they spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time together.

In conclusion
, I would like to say that it is best we do away with the notion of dumping the parenting of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
opening our minds to sharing equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. We should
rather
believe in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shared
parenthood to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the family dynamics which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
changing with the times to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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IELTS essay Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. Discuss and give your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
381 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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