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Fast food is now universally in most countries and is becoming increasingly popular. Some feel that this is a positive trend, while others do not. What are your opinions in this? v.5

Fast food is now universally in most countries and is becoming increasingly popular. Some feel that this is a positive trend, while others do not. What are your opinions in this? v. 5
Ready-made meals are often seen preferable these days. While some people laud its convenience, I strongly argue that fast food detrimental impacts outweigh its benefits. First of all, it is indisputable that the pace of life is rising significantly, which in turn has altered our lifestyle. People nowadays claim that there is no time for doing household tasks, and this precious time can be exploited in making profits rather than spend it making their meals. As a result, they tend to order ready meals due to the lack of spare time. Furthermore, the financial background of a vast amount of people is not the same as it used to be in the past, and the percentage of poverty is increasing rapidly these times. Poverty might lead to an increase in the demand for fast food because of its affordable price. On the other hand, despite the facts stated earlier, we have to take a serious look at the danger of consuming fast food. Admittedly, snack companies, such as McDonald's are found to maximise their income no matter what. This approach, have to lead us to think about the ingredients they use and whether it is safe for us to have this food as our main meals or not. Additionally, wrong nutrition is unhealthy to eat on a regular base. Health risks are an increasing trend: a large amount of people has health problems; chronic diseases; obesity; and their immune system is becoming dysfunctional to stand against viruses and bacteria. Unless people stopped eating greasy cuisines, their bodies would deteriorate and end up having serious illnesses before reaching the forty. By way of conclusion, I believe that fast food will continue to become more popular. Giving the health risk associated with this trend, It seems to me that it's everyone's responsibility to raise the awareness between people especially youngsters would be warranted
Ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
preferable these days. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
laud its convenience, I
strongly
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
detrimental impacts outweigh its benefits.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is indisputable that the pace of life is rising
significantly
, which in turn has altered our lifestyle.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
nowadays claim that there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for doing household tasks, and this precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can
be exploited
in making profits
rather
than spend it making their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
.
As a result
, they tend to order ready
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
due to the lack of spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Furthermore
, the financial background of a vast amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is not the same as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be in the past, and the percentage of poverty is increasing
rapidly
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
. Poverty might lead to an increase in the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its affordable price.

On the other hand
, despite the facts stated earlier, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take a serious look at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Admittedly
, snack
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, such as McDonald's
are found
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'maximise' is British English.
maximise
their income no matter what. This approach,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
lead us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the ingredients they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and whether it is safe for us to have this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as our main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
or not.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
nutrition is unhealthy to eat on a regular base. Health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
are an increasing trend: a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has health problems; chronic diseases; obesity; and their immune system is becoming dysfunctional to stand against viruses and bacteria. Unless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
eating greasy cuisines, their bodies would deteriorate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up having serious illnesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching the forty.

By way of conclusion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will continue to become more popular. Giving the health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
associated with this trend, It seems to me that it's everyone's responsibility to raise the awareness between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
youngsters would be
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
warranted
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
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IELTS essay Fast food is now universally in most countries and is becoming increasingly popular. Some feel that this is a positive trend, while others do not. What are your opinions in this? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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