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Some People say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.16

Some People say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. v. 16
The awareness regarding the children, nurturing has been drastically changed. This has led to a debatable issue, whereas some people perceive that parents should introduce the team activity, which helps in their development during their free time. However, others think that a juvenile can utilize their time by their own as per their interest. This essay will discuss my stance with arguments in the below paragraphs. To begin with, the foremost reason for the parents should force their child to participate in the group exercise is that helps to their growth. This type of task helps to those specifically having a shy nature. Although, by participating in the group work everyone can get a chance to represent their skills, this will also inculcate others skill such as a coordination with other club members. Moreover, In the team many people are working having different abilities; this will help them to mould their skills. Therefore, this will help them to achieve their academic goals. For example, group studies will help to understand some complex topic to students having less understanding level; this would be solved with the help of the brilliant students. On the other hand, some others say that give a freedom to a child who can spare their free time by doing acts in their interest. This will create a positive atmosphere and become an impactful as a person can give dedication to their work. In spite of, forcing an individual for a group activity, they can utilize their time as per their convenience and learn more skills. Furthermore, giving an opportunity to child for the development can able to learn the life skills which make them responsible and explore their decision abilities. For instance, research conducted shows that a child who explore their career by own would have A dynamic nature and able to deal with any difficult situation. In conclusion, participating in a group activity helps one who being afraid of dealing with different issues, while by giving freedom they can enhance their skills by their own. As per my opinion, this will totally depend on a person’s intelligence they select any one option.
The awareness regarding the children, nurturing has been
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. This has led to a debatable issue, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
perceive that parents should introduce the team activity, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in their development during their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a juvenile can utilize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
as per their interest. This essay will discuss my stance with arguments in the below paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the foremost reason for the parents should force their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to participate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
exercise is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to their growth. This type of task
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to those
specifically
having a shy nature. Although, by participating in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
work everyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to represent their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, this will
also
inculcate others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
such as a coordination with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
club members.
Moreover
, In the team
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are working having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
abilities; this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Therefore
, this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to achieve their academic goals.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
studies will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
complex topic to students having less understanding level; this would
be solved
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of the brilliant students.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others say that give
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "freedom".
a freedom
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
who can spare their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by doing acts in their interest. This will create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
atmosphere and become an impactful as a person can give dedication to their work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
, forcing an individual for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
activity, they can utilize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as per their convenience and learn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Furthermore
, giving an opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
for the development
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
can able to
learn the life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them responsible and explore their decision abilities.
For instance
, research conducted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
who explore their career by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
would have A dynamic nature and able to deal with any difficult situation.

In conclusion
, participating in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
activity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
one who being afraid of dealing with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
issues, while by giving freedom they can enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. As per my opinion, this will
totally
depend on a person’s intelligence they select any one option.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some People say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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