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Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement v.7

Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system with this statement v. 7
Certain individuals are of the opinion that parenting should include encouraging kids in participating in team events, during leisure hours while some believe kids should engage in activities of their will. I am of the opinion that children should be given the opportunity to explore and exercise their free will, when choosing what activity to engage in. Basically, parents are driven to make decisions for their children because they are often scared of them making mistakes. It is a parental instinct that makes us want to choose what they should or should not do. However, engaging in this practice does not give room for the child to grow, or develop their decision making skills. Consequently, preventing the young ones from exercising their will more than necessary, may cause them to feel stifled by their parents, and they may elope given the slightest opportunity. An example may be seen in children who prefer to stay over at their friend's place for longer periods than expected. Such individuals may prefer to stay away from home upon clocking eighteen. On the other hand, because every child is born with a potential, they should be given the freedom to develop and improve such gifts through games, sports, or any activity of their choice. As a result, they will build internal skills that can be used in navigating through hurdles and obstacles as adults, in the future. For instance, children who have been entrusted with taking responsibilities for their actions during playtimes are likely to become cautious during those play periods and may even grow to become adults who feel deeply responsible for any of their actions. In addition, because there is no one size that fits all in parenting, it is advisable that the relationship between parents and their children should be one that breeds trust among both parties, despite the decisions that will be made by either party. In conclusion, there should be a blended solution to decision making in the family, whereby parental input is welcome in certain instances and complete trust is given to the decisions made by children at other occasions.
Certain individuals are of the opinion that parenting should include encouraging kids
Adverb repetition. Please, verify.
in participating in
team
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, during leisure hours while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe kids should engage in activities of their will. I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity to explore and exercise their free will, when choosing what activity to engage in.

Basically
, parents
are driven
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
scared of them making mistakes. It is a parental instinct that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us want to choose what they should or should not do.
However
, engaging in this practice does not give room for the child to grow, or develop their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Consequently
, preventing the young ones from exercising their will more than necessary, may cause them to feel stifled by their parents, and they may elope
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the slightest opportunity. An example may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who prefer to stay over at their friend's place for longer periods than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
. Such individuals may prefer to stay away from home upon clocking eighteen.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every child
is born
with a potential, they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the freedom to develop and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
such gifts through games, sports, or any activity of their choice.
As a result
, they will build internal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in navigating through hurdles and obstacles as adults, in the future.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have
been entrusted
with taking responsibilities for their actions during
Possible spelling mistake found.
playtimes
are likely to become cautious during those play periods and may even grow to become adults who feel
deeply
responsible for any of their actions.

In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no one size that fits all in parenting, it is advisable that the relationship between parents and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be one that breeds trust among both parties, despite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
that will
be made
by either party.

In conclusion
, there should be a blended solution to
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
in the family, whereby parental input is welcome in certain instances and complete trust is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
made by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at other occasions.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system with this statement v. 7

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
351 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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