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Your friend is coming to stay in your neighborhood. He has asked some information about the school. - Describe the school- Give your opinion- Why his/her children would like it v.1

Your friend is coming to stay in your neighborhood. He has asked some information about the school. - Describe the school- Give your opinion- Why his/her children would like it v. 1
Tradition is a crucial part of the social sphere of mankind, as different cultures pride themselves in a variety of attributes. Some are of the school of thought that traditional values will become obsolete because of modernization, and are therefore incompatible. I completely disagree with the notion that our traditional ways of life and beliefs cannot coexist with traditional cultures. To begin with, our heritages remain a vital part of our existence and technological advancements has afforded us the opportunity to preserve and appreciate our different cultures. Furthermore, it has been used recently to discover long lost treasures, scripts, as well as artifacts. In addition, it has even shed  light on problems that can lead to the eradication of certain parts of our heritage. People can save materials pertaining to their ethinicities on the internet  where they can be stored forever. For instance, during an archaeological discovery in the Amazon jungle, in 2015, technology was used to decipher and translate some ancient texts, which led us to understand that the long lost ways of food preservatiom was what their ancestors used to eradicate some illnesses. Secondly, with the world becoming a global village, a lot of interracial marriages are occurring. More and more ethnicities and cultures are mixing up. The advent of technology has made it possible for individuals to stay in touch with their traditional rites from anywhere in the diaspora. Also, there has been an increase in the bridging of the knowledge gap that separates us, due to the fact that science and technology has made belief systems more comprehensible. For example, I for one, have been able to perform and partake in some cultural rites via social media platforms, over the years, as I have not been to my nativeland in over five years. In conclusion, some people still believe that our traditions and technology cannot exist in the same world. I completely disagree with the thought process that cultural values amd technology do not mix, because technology has invariably saved many cultures from extinction and made us more tolerable of ourselves.
Tradition is a crucial part of the social sphere of mankind, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
pride themselves in a variety of attributes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are of the school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
values will become obsolete
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of modernization, and are
therefore
incompatible. I completely disagree with the notion that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
ways of life and beliefs cannot coexist with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
cultures.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, our heritages remain a vital part of our existence and technological advancements has afforded us the opportunity to preserve and appreciate our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
Furthermore
, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
recently to discover
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lost
treasures, scripts,
as well
as artifacts.
In addition
, it has even shed
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
light on problems that can lead to the eradication of certain parts of our heritage.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can save materials pertaining to their
Possible spelling mistake found.
ethinicities
on the internet
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
where they can
be stored
forever.
For instance
, during an archaeological discovery in the Amazon jungle, in 2015,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to decipher and translate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ancient texts, which led us to understand that the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lost
ways of food
Possible spelling mistake found.
preservatiom
was what their ancestors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to eradicate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illnesses.

Secondly
, with the world becoming a global village,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
interracial marriages are occurring. More and more ethnicities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
are mixing up. The advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made it possible for individuals to stay in touch with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
rites from anywhere in the diaspora.
Also
, there has been an increase in the bridging of the knowledge gap that separates us, due to the fact that science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made belief systems more comprehensible.
For example
, I for one, have been able to perform and partake in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cultural rites via social media platforms, over the years, as I have not been to my
Possible spelling mistake found.
nativeland
in over five years.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
believe that our traditions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
cannot exist in the same world. I completely disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process that cultural values
Possible spelling mistake found.
amd
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
do not mix,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
invariably
saved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
from extinction and made us more tolerable of ourselves.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Your friend is coming to stay in your neighborhood. He has asked some information about the school. - Describe the school- Give your opinion- Why his/her children would like it v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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