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Families who do not send their children to government financed schools should not be required to pay taxes that supports universal education. To what extent do you agree. v.1

Families who do not send their children to government financed schools should not be required to pay taxes that supports universal education. v. 1
These days, the increase in human population is creating a burden for major and small cities. While some people argue that to solve this problem countryside should be opened up to create more housing for people, but on the contrary some believe that the countryside should be preserved. I believe countryside should not be changed to accumulate more people because the consequence will affect the entire world. Firstly, I think that expanding cities to the countryside will cause irreversible damage to nature. If more people move to the countryside, a lot of green vegetation would need to be cleared to support their housing structure, new electricity grids, water pipelines and many more. Rather than exploiting the green cover, we could consider creating a population control measure. For example, China started with the world's first one child policy to combat exponential population growth. This not only would reduce stress on overcrowded cities in the future, but will also help to keep nature intact. Moreover, the countryside is the main source of agriculture produce and dairy. Putting pressure on countryside by reducing the amount of open area can cause tremendous pressure to provide food. In other words, if the production level of the farmers goes down, it can cause an inflation of basic food prices. So rather than solving a problem, we would end up creating more issues for the whole population. Finally, we should stop damaging the nature for short term gains and look towards alternatives to provide long term solutions. I believe this is the only way to coexist with nature.
These days, the increase in human population is creating a burden for major and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
cities. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that to solve this problem
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
should
be opened
up to create more housing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the contrary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
should
be preserved
. I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to accumulate more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the consequence will affect the entire world.

Firstly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that expanding cities to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
will cause irreversible damage to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
. If more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
green vegetation would need to
be cleared
to support their housing structure, new electricity grids, water pipelines and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
Rather
than exploiting the green cover, we could consider creating a population control measure.
For example
, China
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with the world's
first
one child policy to combat exponential population growth. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on overcrowded cities in the future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
intact.

Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
is the main source of agriculture produce and dairy. Putting pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
by reducing the amount of open area can cause tremendous pressure to provide food.
In other words
, if the production level of the farmers goes down, it can cause an inflation of basic food prices.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
rather
than solving a problem, we would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up creating more issues for the whole population.

Finally
, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
damaging the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
for short term gains and look towards alternatives to provide long term solutions. I believe this is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to coexist with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Families who do not send their children to government financed schools should not be required to pay taxes that supports universal education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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